Three Wishes, or a Hot Tub?

If you're like me (and let's hope you're not), you'll find yourself obsessing over the most ridiculous things.

Case in point: State Farm commercials.  Specifically, the ones in which anyone can summon a friendly State Farm agent simply by singing aloud the State Farm jingle ('Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!').

Maybe it's the writer in me, trying to wrap my head around the ramifications inherent in being able to call up a magical, if insurance-obsessed being, just by speaking a few simple words.

I write fantasy, so of course the concept isn't utterly foreign to me.  And there's plenty of mythological and folklorish precedent for such goings-on.  Rub a lamp, summon a genie. Speak the right words, call up a demon, or a ghost.  It's magic, right?

Well, sort of.  But even the most over-used and tired fantasy tropes come with rules.  The genie grants three wishes, and three wishes only.  The demon demands your soul as payment.  Ghosts, well, ghosts pretty much just blather on about family trivia and always wind up being faked by unscrupulous mediums anyway.

But with that State Farm bit, there aren't any rules.  Say the jingle, the agent appears.  Add a few words to the jingle, and that appears too.  In the video, random couch-sitters add 'hot tub' and 'sandwich' to the jingle, and bang, they get them.

That really bugs my inner editor, which is deeply troubled every time it sees magic being used without a price.  Apparently, I'm perfectly all right watching the Second Law of Thermodynamics being violated, but I won't stand for frivolous narrative use of arcane summonings.

The implications of the State Farm world-view are staggering.  What if someone sings 'Like a good neighbor, Sate Farm is there, bringing the entire Sun with them?'

Poof, that's what.  Instant planetary incineration.  The entire Solar System thrown into chaos.

Did I kill an entire alternate Earth out there, just now?

So I reject the whole sing-a-jingle-get-an-agent concept.  It's unworkable even in a fictional environment, because it places no limitations on the scope of the invocation.

State Farm, you are dismissed.


As I said, aren't you glad you're not like me?


Rumors, Hearsay, and Unconfirmed Scuttlebutt!

Fans of All the Paths of Shadow will soon have something to be very happy about indeed!  I'm not quite prepared to make any grand pronouncements yet, but I'm very excited about a project related to the book, and I think readers will be too.

I will say that one of the characters from the book will be brought to life, so to speak, in a unique and thoroughly entertaining way.

And that's all I'm going to say about that right now.

Switching gears for a moment, I'm floored by the way the upcoming Markhat book (The Broken Bell, to be released everywhere on December 27) has already been selling as a pre-order.  If I'd known so many people were waiting on the book, I'd have typed faster!

For anyone interested, you can click here to see All the Paths of Shadow on Amazon in Kindle format, or click here to head to Cool Well Press, where you can get any other format.

Want to check out The Broken Bell?  Click here for Amazon, or here for Barnes & Noble, or even here to go straight to the publisher, Samhain Publishing.  Rest assured we have a format for your tastes, including good old print!

Oh, and one last thing, which won't cost you a dime.  I redesigned my website, and I'd love it if you'd go have a look.

Thanks!

Now back to the WIP...




I Quote Myself

Today, in lieu of actually writing anything new, I decided I'd post a list of clever things my characters have said.

Why?

Because, that's why.

"Deception wears many masks. Take care to remove them all, should you undertake to see the face of truth."
-- Wistril the Wizard, from Wistril Compleat.


"The stuff of legends is nothing but trouble to the persons unfortunate enough to make them. On the whole, I’d rather have been off fishing.”
-- Tim the Horsehead, from All the Paths of Shadow


"You know you're having a bad day when vampires drop by to chat and you're pleased by the sudden distraction."
-- Markhat, from Hold the Dark


Okay, this is a not truly a quote, but an exchange between Markhat and Mama Hog in Dead Man's Rain.  


Mama Hog nodded.  "Cards say she's got a hard rain coming, boy," she said.  "Turned up the Dead Man, and the Storm, and the Last Dancer, all in the same hand.  Dead man's rain.  That ain't good."  Mama grabbed another morsel of sandwich, guffawed around it.  "But I don't need cards to see the sun," she said.  "The Widow Merlat is headed for a bad time.  She knows it.  I know it.  You'd best know it, too."


"Dead is dead, Mama," I said.  "That's what I know."


"There's other things you need to know, boy.  Things about the ones that come back."


"First thing being that they don't," I said.


Mama pretended not to hear.  


"Rev'nants only walk at night," she said.  "It's got to be pitch dark."


"Do tell."

"You can't catch 'em coming out of the ground," said Mama.  "It's no good trying.  They're like haunts, that way. Solid as rock one minute, thin as fog the next."


"Sounds handy," I said.  "Do their underbritches get all misty and ethereal too, or is that one of the things man was not meant to know?"


"Don't look in his eyes, boy," said Mama.  "Don't look in his eyes, or breathe air he's breathed."


"I won't even ask about borrowing his toothbrush," I said.


Mama slapped my desk top with both her hands.


"You listen," she hissed.  "Believe or not, but you listen."


"I've got all night," I said.     


"His mouth will be open," said Mama.  "Wide open.  He's been saving a scream, all that time in the ground.  Saving up a scream for the one that put him there."  Mama lifted a stubby finger and shook it in my face.  "Don't you listen when he screams.  You put your hands over your ears and you yell loud as you can but don't you listen.  Cause if you do, you'll hear that scream for the rest of your days and there ain't nothing nobody nowhere can do for you then."


Silence fell.  Only after Curfew do we get any silence, in my neighborhood.  I let it linger for a moment.


I leaned forward, put my eyes down even with Mama's, motioned her closer, spoke.


"Boo."
--Mama Hog and Markhat, from Dead Man's Rain.



Lightspeed Magazine

It's a tough world if you're a magazine.

I can count, barely moving my lips, the number of print fantasy or SF magazines which have survived the last few years.  Realms of Fantasy is gone (again).  Weird Tales has changed hands (again).  Only the venerable mainstays Analog and The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction seem to be holding their own.

I subscribe, via my Kindle, to Analog and Fantasy and Science Fiction.  Both feature some great writing; neither publication was ever much for interior art, although both have showcased some great covers.  So the black-and-white Kindle format suits them both just fine.

But now that Amazon has announced the new Kindle Fire ereader tablet, I've been looking for new publications with a bit of art mixed in with my fiction.

Which brings us to Lightspeed.  Lightspeed is a new SF magazine, published monthly, which is now available in Kindle format for only twenty bucks a year.

Yeah, I know, you're thinking 'But Frank, digital magazines come and go faster than mayflies!  How do I know this one is any good, and how do I know they'll be around in two months, much less twelve?'

First of all, it's Mr. Tuttle.  Second, I'm blabbering about Lightspeed because of the people behind it.

The editor is a fellow named John Joseph Adams.  Fans of zombie fiction (and anthologies in general) will recognize the name; he's the man behind The Living Dead and The Living Dead 2 collections, among many other titles.

The rest of the Lightspeed staff is equally experienced.

So, these people know what they're doing.  And from what I've seen, they are doing it exceedingly well.  Each month features a podcast -- wicked cool!  -- and some stunning new art by artists on the rise.

Lightspeed is what the Kindle Fire was made for.  Fiction.  Art.  Audio.  Sign me up!

In other news, it's been a bad week for writing.  I think sometimes certain vital areas of my brain just switch themselves off.  Oh, I can still walk and talk, but whatever it is I need to put the right words in the correct order down on paper just isn't working.  So I sit there and stare and wind up with 45 minute writing sessions which result in sentences such as 'The' and a lot of empty page space.

I hate times like these.  I can feel time slipping away, but try as I might, I just can't produce anything worth reading.

The only sure is to produce it anyway, and delete it when the words start coming again.  But it sure feels like a waste of time.

I'm Mister Sunshine today, aren't I?

Well, you could help by clicking here. Or by clicking here.  Or here.  See how much better you feel?







Going Bump #4: The Supernatural on Sale

Man.  I am in the wrong business.

I write stories and books and hope for enough sales to make pounding away on this poor battered keyboard worthwhile.  Some days it is.  Some days it isn't.  And that sums up the glamorous, jet-setting life of a writer in all its Ramen-noodle, buy-in-bulk glory.  Muggers not only pass me by but sometimes hand me a few bucks just out of sudden compassion.  Nigerian internet spammers send follow up emails that simply state 'Didn't know you were a fantasy author, forget I said anything, hope sales pick up, signed, Prince Alfonse.'

The only people who have it tougher are the owners of small presses.

But, as I said, I've just discovered I'm in the wrong business.

I thought I'd troll eBay for a Halloween lark, and see if I could find a few goofy 'occult' items for sale with descriptions worthy of some gentle lampooning.  Protip, kids -- that's what writers do to conjure up blog content when they have headaches and the dogs won't stop barking and they're on diets so there's no more comfort to be found in a quick run to the refrigerator.  They make fun of eBay.  It's a sad but universal truth.

But what I've found listed on eBay amazed me.  Confounded me.  Astounded me.

Because it appears there is serious money to be made even here in the 21st century in the magical trinket business.

The first question that sprang to my mind upon seeing some of the items and prices I'll be linking to below was 'Who buys this stuff?'

The second question was 'Why wasn't I told?'

I can snag  faux-antique rings from sellers in Hong Kong and claim they have powerful mystical qualities.  I can hit the local antique stores for costume jewelry rings and claim each contains the spirit of a mighty djinn trapped inside.

I can afford eBay's modest listing fees.

What am I blathering about?

Well, let me part the magical curtains of internet commerce and show you, gentle reader, just what kind of magic your money can buy!

First, let me point you toward this Magical Ring of 6 Djinns, which is said to be omnipotent!  And since it is after all omnipotent, $9,999.99 really isn't a bad price.  Keep in mind they are throwing in free shipping.

What does your ten grand get you?  Well, honestly, it's a bit hard to say.  The item title claims there are 6 djinn (aka genies) contained in the ring.  The description claims an additional 3,111 powerful entities, but since command of English isn't one of the ring's many splendid powers I really can't be sure.

The ring itself appears to feature a pewter or pewter-colored band on which a gemstone of finest hard plastic is set.  An inscription in the reddish stone is either a single character of faux Arabic or Tolkein's Elvish for 'Wilt thee kiss me in the dark, baby?'


But I'm sure the buyer can have the ring transformed into something more tasteful after his or her purchase.  What the buyer, despite being suddenly omnipotent, cannot do is return the ring, because once you buy 3,111 powerful genies, baby, they are yours.

Magic rings not your thing?  Well, perhaps I can interest you in a device which melds magic and technology to bring about your deepest wishes!  I give you the Haunted Psychic Unit Power Paranormal Activity Item!

What is the Haunted Psychic Unit Power Paranormal Activity Item, or HPUPAI?

Depends on your world-view, I suppose.  Some people might see it as a mystical tool for actualizing their internal desires.  Others might see it as the dial from an electric stove stuck onto a plastic box which sports a bit of copper tubing.

But what isn't influenced by your belief system is the price, which is actualized at a firm $999, no returns.

I'd be a little less skeptical if every listed wasn't followed by a sternly-worded NO RETURNS policy.  Look, you either have confidence in your Hanuted Psychic Unit Paranormal Activity Item, or you don't.  Also, the device doesn't appear to be UL Listed, which is a must for anything with dials, really.

Still no takers?  Being omnipotent or having your every wish granted with the turn of a dial doesn't interest you?

Tough crowd.  But okay.  Maybe what you're looking for in a little less intangible.

What you want is this.

No.  Wait.  For the love of all that is holy, back out of that link.  Sheesh, look at the eyes on that thing.  If that isn't touched by the spirit of pure evil, I don't know what is.  Who paints flowers on something's face and then glues a cowboy hat to it?  Look at that expression in the photo.  That expression says 'Yeah, I'm going to wait until you are fast asleep and then slit your throat and roll in your blood and that's exactly what you deserve for bringing this into your home.'  And even that runs you five hundred bucks.

Instead, check this out -- a haunted phone.  The seller isn't sure whether this fine specimen of 2003 telephone technology is haunted by a ghost, a demon, a genie, or the Patron Saint of Grubby Fingerprints, but he's sure that smudge in the faded LCD display is evidence of something.  I agree, but I suggest it's evidence of a household in need of a rag and a bottle of 409 Cleaner.  But heck, it's only $399, so who am I to quibble?

That's probably enough trolling for one entry.  I barely scratched the surface -- haunted dolls, haunted rings, haunted toys, you name it, it's out there, it's haunted, and it can be yours for a price.

Happy shopping!  Of course if you really want something cool check out the Naked Spinning Angry Widow Ghost Djinn Demon Ring of Ultimate Power.

Buy one for your mother!













The Broken Bell

Yes, the seaons are a-changin.'  The leaves are turning, there's a chill in the air, and Amazon just opened the new Markhat book The Broken Bell up for pre-orders!

Which is a bit of a relief for me.  I'm such a self-absorbed hog for attention that I routinely Google my own name (and yes, I'm sure a therapist would present a raised eyebrow and a knowing nod at this revelation).  So when Barnes & Noble put up their pre-order page for The Broken Bell and then Amazon UK put up their pre-order page, I expected Amazon here to quickly do the same.

Days passed.  Calendar pages flipped off the wall in a wind, just like in a dozen old movies.  Flocks of geese flew south, then north, then south again.  Snow fell, melted, washed down the river as a spring flood, and was then bottled and sold to yuppies for four bucks a pop.

I despaired.  I wept.  I bought the geese a year-round bus pass.

But finally, today, the pre-order page appeared.

Which means two things -- first and foremost, of course, you can order.  In fact, go ahead.  I'll wait.

Done?  Thanks!

As to the second thing -- I can finally show you the cover, which was created by artist Angela Waters! Check out her website, which is a thing of beauty.




Inquisitive types can even spot certain clues concerning the book's contents in the cover image.  I love this cover, and I hope you will too.

I'm really excited about The Broken Bell.  It's the longest and most ambitious Markhat book to date.  I'll say this, and no more -- the peace Rannit has enjoyed is over, and nothing will ever be quite the same.

So ogle the cover and click the pre-order, faithful readers.  Markhat is coming for Christmas!

And in the meantime, why not try All the Paths of Shadow?  Meralda isn't Markhat, but then again, Markhat isn't Meralda.  And if Kindle format isn't your preference, well, we have Nook and print too.

Okay, that's enough blabbing for now.  Back to work on Brown River Queen.




And the Winner is....

Ding ding!  I have a winner, folks, to the contest I announced last week.  Jennifer gets a signed copy of All the Paths of Shadow, and....

What's that?  I promised a video reveal?

Um, well.  About that.  I did, but I really should have checked my aging video camera first, because it won't power on.  I mean nothing.  Not a red charging indicator, not a flicker of the screen, not even a tell-tale buzz when I plug it in.

So, with that in mind, pretend I'm on your screen, right now.  Dressed in a tailor-made tuxedo, in tasteful black, of course.  I'm standing in a spotlight (I have a *huge* special effect budget in this version of the video), my chiseled frame accentuated by the perfect fit of the $8,000 tux.

I flash an incandescent smile at Camera Two, and tear open the envelope with a well-muscled flourish, and as Pink Floyd (live, behind me) fills the air with music I read aloud Jennifer's name.

The crowd, some eighty thousand strong, goes wild.  Roses are cast upon the stage.  Confetti and bright balloons fall onto the stage.  Overhead, a flight of fighter jets swoop down and drop fireworks, which explode with thunders and flashes.

Not bad for the presentation of a 17 dollar book, huh?

You don't see John Grisham snagging Pink Floyd as a back-up act, do you?  Ever seen Stephen King in a European-made tux?  No?

I didn't think so.

So, Jennifer T., I salute you!  I'll get your signed copy of Paths of Shadow out tomorrow.  Thanks for entering, and for all your support!

Oh, and now I'll have the cast of  'NCIS' read the winning entry, and the runners-up!

Jennifer's Entry:  The Cross-Eyed Caterpillar

Mug was a large green cross-eyed caterpillar in the first version of the book.  Such prescience must be rewarded, so Jennifer wins!

Entries of Note:

The Thinly-Veiled Attempt at Cashing In On Harry Potter
This is Not a Markhat Book
Man, Just Look at This Cover
All the Subplots of Confusion
Book One of Three


I'm glad to see I have some seriously snarky readers.

Thanks to everyone for playing!  Um, can someone pony up for all that jet fuel?

All the Paths of Shadow on Amazon

All the Paths of Shadow at Cool Well Press




Last Chance for Lennox

Long-time followers of my blog are already aware of my disdain for the Belfast City Council and their puppy-stomping minions, the Belfast City Council Dog Wardens.

It all started last year with the (illegal) seizure of Lennox the dog.  Certain breeds of dog (along with a goodly number of personal hygiene products and, apparently, common sense) are banned in merry old Belfast, you see.

The fact that subsequent DNA testing proved Lennox is a Lab / bulldog mix and NOT a prohibited pit bull did nothing to secure his release.  No.  The Belfast Dog Wardens had declared Lennox a menace, and as proof of their assertion they were quick to point out that Lennox was (gasp) a big black dog.

To make a long sad story short, Lennox was imprisoned in a tiny wire cage where he was surrounded by his own feces.  Now, I understand this arrangement with fecal matter on the floor is probably considered quite chic among the households of the Belfast Dog Wardens, but the photos of Lennox which leaked out were horrific to most humans.

But that's where poor Lennox has been, for over a year now.  His 'case' has been heard by a handful of judges and 'dog experts' who can most charitably be described as somewhat lacking in the higher mental functions.  Seriously.  I'm not sure how one becomes a judge in Belfast, but I'm beginning to suspect the process involves picking the short straw, or perhaps being the last man standing in a no-holds-barred grain alcohol drinking contest.

Regardless, one after another, these paragons of legal wisdom and frequent all-you-can-eat buffet patrons  upheld the original assertions that Lennox, who had never had a complaint spoken against him, who had a proper license, and who was a well-loved family pet, was actually a slavering, bloodthirsty beast in disguise.

The 'dog expert' was the most idiotic and laughable of the bunch.  One of the Dog Wardens even perjured herself.  But at the last hearing, none of that mattered - -yet another pinhead judge, eager to curry the favor of the City Council, sentenced poor Lennox to death.

Yesterday, at the very last moment, a stay of execution was ordered, as Lennox's family makes one last stab at getting him set free.  Here's the link to the story:

Last Chance

So take a moment, if you will, and spare a prayer or two for Lennox, a big black goofy dog who just wants to get out of that tiny cage and go home.

Oh, and Belfast City Council, and Belfast CC Dog Wardens?

Screw the lot of you. 

Story in New Horror Anthology

Goot even - ing, Gentle Readers.

Igor.  Close the door.  We don't want them to escape.  Ahem.  I meant, there is a draft.

Tonight, I present to you a new collection of terrible tales, entitled Shadow Street.  Inside these pages you will find a number of unique and lingering horrors, each with an address on the Street.

My home away from home in entitled 'The Knocking Man.'

What is that?

Why yes, it does feature a mortuary.  And a cemetery.  How perceptive of you.

And yes.  Both show signs of neglect.

But beware, for they also show signs of recent and, shall we say, enthusiastic use.

Those of you who prefer Nooks to Kindles may prefer to shop here.


Igor will see to the lighting of the reading lamps.

I hope you survive -- er, enjoy your journey down Shadow Street.  I trust it will not prove too dangerous.

Still, we advise you to walk with caution, and above all else, to look both ways...


The Usual Nonsense, Plus Markhat News!

First of all, don't forget to enter my contest!  The grand prize is a signed print edition All the Paths of Shadow, shipped right to your door, stronghold, lair, or orbital battle platform free of charge.  Entering only takes a second, and requires only a small amount of bone marrow, so please enter.  Or else I'll wind up looking very foolish giving away a book to myself.

Next, I would be remiss indeed if I failed to remind everyone that tonight is the night for the second season premiere of AMC's brilliant The Walking Dead.  If you've never heard of the show, click the link.  If you have, watch!  It promises to be quite a ride, as the survivors flee the destruction of the Center for Disease Control lab in zombie-infested Atlanta.

And now, about the new book.  Hey, don't look surprised, you knew it was coming.  I'm talking of course about All the Paths of Shadow, and before I say anything else let me present you with a few links, to ease and encourage your shopping experience!

All the Paths of Shadow in Amazon Kindle e-book format!

All the Paths of Shadow in print!

All the Paths of Shadow in epub and mobi formats, for your Nook or other device!

So one of the above should set you up.

So far, Paths has 8 readers reviews on Amazon, all of them good ones (seven five star reviews and one four star).  So it seems people like it.

On the Markhat front, Barnes & Noble have already put up the latest Markhat novel, The Broken Bell.  You can pre-order it for the Nook now; it will be released on December 17 everywhere, including Amazon and the publisher's site, Samhain Publishing.  even if you don't own a Nook, you can sneak over to Barnes and Noble and check out the sweet, sweet cover on  The Broken Bell.  It's worth the click.

That's about all the news I have right now.  I'm feeling fine and have hardly any traces of rigor mortis, so it's a good night for The Walking Dead!

Take care, zombie fans.  Keep your doors locked, your car keys handy, and of course, safeties off....

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!




CONTEST! Win a SIGNED print edition of ALL THE PATHS OF SHADOW!

It's time for another contest!  Yes, Gentle Reader, you can win a signed print edition of All the Paths of Shadow in all of its stunning 484 page glory.  You get it all -- paper, ink, verbs, numbers, the whole works, nothing held back.  To make matters even more dramatic, I will announce the winner of the contest in my first-ever Web video, so that all and sundry can point and laugh.

And what must I do to obtain this most coveted of prizes, you ask?  Read on...

CONTEST RULES:

1) Contestants, hereafter referred to as 'contestants,' must originate from Earth or within five light years thereof.
2) Entry into the Contest shall consist of three parts.
3) PART ONE: The email to franktuttle@franktuttle.com, with
4) PART TWO: The subject line PATHS OF SHADOW CONTEST, and
5) PART THREE: In the body of the email, include an alternate title for ALL THE PATHS OF SHADOW.  Be funny.  Call it MY SOCKS ARE FILTHY AND I DON'T CARE.  Call it ANOTHER GENERIC FANTASY BOOK HO HUM WHERE IS MY STEPHEN KING.  Call it anything you want.  Be bold and use lower case.  Anything goes here, people.  But extra points will probably be awarded to people who have read the book and who choose to lampoon either the subject matter or the writing style.
6) Myself and a panel of distinguished judges (read that as a roomful of sleepy dogs) will choose what we consider the funniest entry and award that submitter the signed book.  The revelation will be made via video on my website on Halloween night.

That gives you plenty of time to enter.  And yes, you can enter as often as you like.  I hope to get a lot of entries, because I'll probably post them so we can all get a chuckle.  If you'd rather I not post yours, say so in your email, or I'll assume it's okay.


So put on your writing cap and enter!  Be as mean or as snarky as you want.  That's what I'm looking for!








Box O' Books!

Today was a Post Office holiday, but that doesn't stop the big brown UPS trucks from their appointed rounds.

One such truck delivered to me a heavy box filled with books so new I could smell the ink.  That's right, boys and girls -- All the Paths of Shadow is now out in glorious three-dimensional hold-it-in-your-hand  print!

And boy does it look good.


Here's another shot!


These photos just aren't doing it justice.  Behold, the open book, and the pages thereof!


Did I mention this is a thick book?  Because it is.  484 pages, baby.  This is a fat thick book --


That's right, you get nearly two full inches of text!  According to the calculations of resident mathematician Fletcher (shown below), that is, um...



Two billion, four hundred million, five hundred and eighty-seven thousand words.

Okay, Fletcher is a dog, and that's probably not an accurate figure.  But this is a big thick book and it looks stunning in print and I cannot thank the people at Cool Well Press enough for all their hard work and professionalism in bringing All the Paths of Shadow from manuscript to market!

There are few thrills which equal or exceed that of opening a box of new books.  This box certainly exceeded my expectations!

Look, e-books are great.  That's pretty much all I buy these days, with a few exceptions.  This book is worth the exception.

I'm going to go stare at the covers for six or seven hours.  Have fun!

All the Paths of Shadow







Pics and Sundry

I finally caught Thor in a calm mood, and got a couple of pictures of him and his pal Petey.

Here's a couple of Thor, who is openly suspicious of my camera:



Below is Petey, who has become Thor's new best friend.  Petey has always been a very shy dog, so it's good to see him coming out of his shell!


Finally, here's a snapshot of my desk, from whence all my writing springs.  Or is typed.  Anyway, yes, it's too dark, but that's because the camera's batteries died as I took this.  It has nothing to do with all the dust revealed by the flash.  Nothing at all.


And yeah, I built the desk right into the room.  It's nothing fancy -- 2 by 4s and 3/4 inch plywood.  You can tapdance on it, if you want, and it won't budge or flex.  

In other news, All the Paths of Shadow is up in print format from Amazon!  So if you don't have an e-reader but you want to read the book, click here!


Going Bump #2: The Phantom of the Yocona River

When asked, I usually tell people that I've never seen anything I can point to and say 'I believe that was a ghost.'  And that's true.  Try as I might, I just can't sneak up on a Class IV Free-Floating Vapor, or catch a poltergeist lounging in front of a TV.

Which is not to say I've never seen anything I can't explain.  I have, and since this is October it's time to spill the beans.  Maybe some of you will have insights into the matter, because after pondering this for some thirty-three years I still don't have a clue.

I was, I believe, 15.  And let me preface this entire recounting by noting that no alcohol or other recreational substances were at all involved.  Honest.  I know that may sound unlikely, but it's the truth.

So, I was 15, and the snake-infested banks of the Yocona River beckoned.  The Yocona is a slow, muddy river which winds its way through the hilly woods of north Mississippi, and as a wild and dangerous place it was a natural magnet for all the kids who lived near it.

One fine August evening my good friend John Redmond and I decided to camp out on the River.  We spent a lot of time on the River, and knew its perils well.  So we loaded his pickup with supplies and an aluminum boat and set out.

We pitched camp on a sand bar not far from what everyone simply called The Structure.  The Structure was actually a concrete waterfall built by the Corps of Engineers to halt the Yocona's erosion of the fields on its borders.  I can still hear the roar of the water rushing over it today, on still nights.

But on that night, John  Redmond and I saw something neither of us can explain.

It started sometime after midnight.  We both saw a light of sorts playing among the boughs of an enormous old water oak about two hundred yards upstream.  It towered up above the outline of The Structure and was silhouetted against the night sky.

We sat and watched, considering the source of the light.  Our first thought was a flashlight.  We quickly rejected that, as it became obvious that what we were watching wasn't merely a projected beam of light being played amid the branches, but a glowing, moving mass that spun about the tree as though tethered somehow to the trunk.

Swamp gas, we decided.  Even though the tree stood on high, dry ground.  But as we kept watching, we rejected that too, because the light, whatever it was, grew brighter and began to change shape and color.

This is where it gets weird.

And let me remind you again that no drugs or alcohol were involved.

The glowing thing began to morph into recognizable shapes.  Faces.  Outlines.  Now a perfect yellow sphere.  Then a scowling red face.  A half-moon.  A flying man, arms outstretched.

No noise.  Just the light, changing, moving, orbiting that oak for purposes unknown.

Were we frightened?

Um, yes.  We're on a sand bar miles from anywhere.  It's far too dark to risk a panicked flight through the water moccasins and the copperheads and the tangles and the snags.  We're observing an inexplicable light show which, for all we know, is both being presented for us and is the preamble to something more sinister.

So we do what any reasonable pair of fifteen year olds would do -- we turn the boat on its side as a shield, arm ourselves with clubs and knives, and hunker down until sunrise.

That glowing thing, whatever it was, danced and flew all night.

We darted out briefly, now and then, to replenish our campfire with driftwood.  And we watched the clouds sail past while the lazy sun took his time in rising.

When the skies did finally begin to lighten, our visitor dimmed, made a final blurred circuit from the bottom of the tree to the top, and then simply shot up into the sky, where it vanished.

We stamped out our fire as soon as it was light and made haste in getting out of there and we never ever camped on the Yocona again.

As far as I know, nothing like what we saw was seen before or since.  There's nothing particularly sinister about the spot.  No old murders, no hangings, no drama of any kind.  It was just an oak tree.

So, what did I see, that night more than three decades ago?

I have no idea.

As I said, I can still hear the River pouring over the lip of the Structure on still nights.  Sometimes I listen to the dull distant roar and wonder if a certain old oak tree is being lit by a whirling, changing light, or if what we saw was meant only for John Redmond and I, and only appeared that night.

If so, what did it mean?  What did it want?  What were we supposed to take away from there, aside from mosquito bites and sand in our britches?

Still don't know.  Probably never will.

So that's my tale of the Yocona River, and the flying light.

What's your story?

Email me at franktuttle@franktuttle.com


News, and More!

First of all, a bit of news!

The print version of All the Paths of Shadow should be available on October 18.  That's at both amazon and the publisher's site, Cool Well Press.  So if you don't have an e-reader yet, no worries, you don't have long to wait to grab a printed copy of your own.

Also hitting the stands on the 18th of October is the YA horror anthology Shadow Street.  I've got a story in this one, so I'm eager to see it.

If you're on Facebook, you can chat with Meralda and Mug, who have been known to post on the new All the Paths of Shadow Facebook page.  Please, stop in, poke at Mug with a stick, leave a comment on the wall.  Mug is especially eager to offer advice in the fields of finance, horticulture, and romance, though I'd be wary of placing any credence on his advice in at least two of those fields.

So hit Facebook, because we *know* you've got a session up, and say hello.  

Going Bump #1: Voices in the Graveyard

I just looked up and realized it's October.

If I had to pick a favorite month, it's October.  The weather is mild.  The leaves are turning.  The lawn can jolly well go mow itself.  The stores are full of jack o' lanterns and poorly-made scary stuff and both SyFy and the Chiller Channel make a half-hearted effort to show a few decent horror movies.

And then of course there's the culmination of the season in Halloween.

I love Halloween.  Spare me the crushing emotional baggage, the doomed expectations of some Hallmark moment, the mad rush to buy gifts for people you barely know.  The other holidays have all that covered.  Halloween is scary and cool and fun.  Nobody expects or even wants you to have some misty-eyed moment over eggnog or tinsel.  Instead uou can paint your face green and put in fake fangs and go out shambling and moaning and people will laugh and smile and not once will they dial 911.

So, in honor of Halloween, I'll be blogging this month about things that go bump in the night.  Ghosts, spectres, haunts, haints, poltergeists, residual hauntings, intelligent hauntings, bad pipes, good pipes, dogs and cats sleeping together -- you know.  The usual spooky stuff.

So, do you believe in ghosts?

Do I?

I can't answer for you, and the best answer I can give for myself is yes, and no.

I believe rational, sober, intelligent people on occasion see, hear, or otherwise experience phenomena that can't be explained by mundane means.  No, I don't believe *every* sound in the night is a spook.  Most are water pipes or wind or passing headlights.

Most, but not all.

Which still doesn't mean that even the unexplained phenomena are ghosts.  They're just that -- unexplained phenomena.  Without better data, and a lot of it, I don't think anyone can categorically claim 'Ghosts exist, and are composed of this and that, and exist in realm X, and interact with us via this mechanism and for these reasons.'

Yeah, I know a lot of people say that very thing, filling in the thises and thats with whatever floats their belief system, but I've never seen anybody back it up with good hard data of any kind.  Show me physical evidence of ghostly manifestations that proves they exist.

I can prove radio transmitters exist with ease.  Turn on a radio.  Track the signal source using triangulation.  Measure the EM output.  Record it, analyze it.

That's the kind of proof I need.

We've all seen the flashing lights on K2 EMF meters on all the ghost hunting shows.  And sometimes they do seem to indicate the presence of some unseen source of weak EM emissions.

I have a K2 meter myself.  It's fun to wave around.  It's also fun to make it light up at surprising distances using nothing but an outgoing call on my cell phone.  Am I saying that's what you're seeing on TV?

No.  Not necessarily.  I am saying the instruments weren't designed to be hand-held ghost detectors.  So I don't fully trust their flashing lights -- it could be reacting to so many mundane sources.

In addition to the K2, I've got a Ramsey TM3 Tri-Field meter, an IR thermometer, a couple of digital recorders, and an ion detector I designed and built myself.  And yes, I've dragged all his stuff around in various cemeteries, just to see what might happen.

I never got so much as a blink on the K2 meter, which isn't surprising since these were rural spots well off the beaten path, much less the power grid.  Ditto on the TM3 and the ion detector.

I have, though, recorded several very interesting sounds.  EVPs, in the parlance of the paranormal.  Electronic Voice Phenomena.  And believe me, I was shocked when I heard what sounded like actual voices on recordings I made, when I knew I was alone in a quiet graveyard.

To make things even weirder, I tried recording EVPs in less spooky locales.  The warehouse at work.  My patio.  My office.  Here, in my study.

Not once have I picked up an EVP anywhere but a cemetery.

Now, when I say voices, I don't mean perfectly clear words of the 'Hi, my name is Bob, you're standing on my grave, you idiot' variety.

They've faint.  They're indistinct.  Some are little more than distant murmuring.

Take this one, for instance.  I was in a tiny old cemetery in Tula Mississippi.  My wife and I were the only people for miles.  She wasn't speaking.  And yet on playback I clearly heard a conversation taking place nearby, even though no one was there.

I'll upload the audio clip to my site and post a link to it.  If you've got headphones, use them, and crank the volume.  It's very short -- I only included the actual EVP.  And no, I won't play any silly jokes like inserting a loud BOO or anything like that.

Here is the file:

Voices in Tula Cemetery

If you've got ghostly photos, stories, or EVPs of your own, I'd love to see or hear them.  Email me at franktuttle@franktuttle.com!

Finally, what would a blog be without a pitch for my new book, which you can get from Amazon for your Kindle here, or in epub for your Nook or other device here!

Go on, you know you want a copy.  And if you listen really closely to the voices in the EVP, that's what they're saying..."buy the boooooooooook..."




Yet Another Contest!

Time for another contest!

The prize this time is a free copy of my new book, All the Paths of Shadow, in either Mobi or epub format (your choice).  Amazon's Kindle can read Mobi, and pretty much everything else can read epub, so you're covered either way.

This contest is a bit more involved than my usual first-ten-to-reply win.  Because this time I'm going to ask you a question, and only the first five correct entries get the book.  The question isn't hard.  In fact, it's easily found somewhere in the free sample Amazon will happily provide from you here.

The question is this:  How many eyes does Mug have?

And the answer can be found by downloading the free sample.  I promise it's in there.  And it's not hidden, concealed, or otherwise obscured.  It's plainly stated.  In whole numbers.  No math involved.

When you have the answer, just email me at franktuttle@franktuttle.com.

Couldn't be easier.

Is this simply a ploy to get people looking at the book and possibly downloading the sample?

Well of course it bloody well is!  But I am giving away free stuff.  Cutting my own throat, I am, as Dibbler would say (bonus points to anyone who can identify that reference).  All I ask is that if you do win, and you do like the book, drop me a line or two of glowing praise on Amazon!  Books live or die by reviews and word of mouth, and I'm not too proud to beg.  Or wheedle.  Or whine, if that will get results.

So grab the free sample, find the answer to the question (How many eyes does Mug have?), and email it to me.

Ready -- GO!


Happy Endings



Not every book has a happy ending.

Good books have satisfying endings, whether they're happy ones or not.  If the hero or heroine dies a good death, if you close the book saddened but satisfied, then it's still a good ending, even if everyone fails to live by the happily ever after rule.

I've not been brave enough to kill off any of my major characters.  Well, I did once, but after my editor explained why that was a Bad Move, I repented and rewrote.  Which is a good thing, because had I not the series would truly have suffered.

But that doesn't mean every character lives, or meets a good end.  You can't write about detectives, even fantasy ones, without the odd bit of murder here and there.

But of all the many hapless characters I have dispatched over the years, one stands out.  He was called Stick, and he makes his first and final appearance in a Markhat novella, The Cadaver Client.

In the story, Stick is a weed addict.  Weed in Markhat's world is a powerfully addictive drug, easily obtained, rather like ice and meth in our own world.  And like meth, from the first time a user tries the drug, his or her whole life is centered around getting more weed.  Nothing else matters but the next puff.  Weedheads quickly forget who they were, and pay no mind to what they have become.  For a weedhead, there is no future. They just want more weed, and they want it now.

Markhat hopes enough of Stick is left to remember something from his past.  So Markhat seeks him out, and finds him, and -- well, read for yourself.  The whole scene is below.  It's always been one of my favorites, and I hope you enjoy it too.

FROM THE CADAVER CLIENT:


The bathhouse attendant, a blind old man named Waters, gathered up Stick’s clothes with the end of his cane and without a word hurled them into the furnace.

“That there man stinks,” offered Waters. “Use all that soap. I’ll go fetch more.”

And off he went grimacing and muttering.

I gave Stick a couple of good hard slaps, which roused him to mutter but not open his eyes.

So I hauled him up by the scruff of his neck and simply tossed his ugly naked butt into the big hot copper bathtub.

 Three-leg Cat couldn’t have put on a better show of flailing and howling and sputtering. I put my right hand on his head and pushed him back under briefly.

“Good morning, Mr. Stick.” I had him by the hair, and though he punched and struggled all he did was splash. “It’s bath day. If you behave yourself, it’ll also be breakfast day. If you keep making a ruckus, well…”

I put him under again. The water, I noted, was turning muddy.

But at least it was cutting down the smell. Waters arrived as I let Stick back up for air and dumped a bowl of something fragrant into the tub.

“Gonna need more of that,” he opined, before shuffling off again.

Stick was furious, but beginning to wake up. He quit trying to punch me, and a ghost of recognition flashed across his face.

“You.”

“Me,” I agreed. “The finder? The one with the coin? The one who wants to know all about Cawling Street and a woman named Marris Sellway? Ring any bells, Stick?”

“You said you pay.”

“I did. And I will. But first you’re going to get yourself clean. And then you’re going to eat. And then you and I are going to sit and talk about the Bloods and Cawling and Marris. Got it?”

Stick closed his eyes and brought up his hands to run water over his face.

“Got it.”

I let go of his head and tossed him a bar of soap. “Waters here did your clothes a favor and burned them. I’m going to go back to my place and get you some of mine. If you want the coin you’ll be here when I get back. You do want the coin, don’t you, Stick?”

The weed-lust in his eyes was the only reply I needed.

“Don’t make trouble for Waters, you hear?”

“I hear.”

I told Waters what I was doing on my way out. My place is just a short walk away, and I swear I could still smell Stick in the still early morning air all the way back to my door.

I found an old shirt and an old pair of brown trousers and a pair of socks with holes in the toes under my bed. They bore the faint aroma of Three-Leg, who had apparently been using them as a bed, but even so they were a vast improvement on anything Stick was likely to ever own again.

A pair of old black shoes, soles worn paper thin, completed Stick’s new ensemble. I gathered them all and headed back, more worried about Waters and the possible application of his cane to Stick’s head than I was about anything Stick might decide to do.

Mama popped out of her door as I neared.

“No time now, Mama,” I said. “Bath emergency.”

Mama eyed my bundle wrinkled her nose at me. “Something stinks. Come back around when ye finish your doings. Got some things to say.”

Don’t you always, I thought. But I just nodded and kept that to myself.

Stick was still in the bathtub when I got back. Waters had near-empty bottles of bath salts lined up by the tub, and he was emptying the dregs from each one onto Stick.

He had at least managed to knock the smell down.

“Gonna have to charge you double, Markhat. Can’t use this water for nothin’ but fertilizing flowers.”
“Not a problem.” I put the clothes down where Stick could see them. I think he muttered a toothless thank you.
Beneath the grime and the filth, Stick looked thin and pale and weary. And no amount of bath salts was going to wash that yellow skin away, or heal those open sores.

I paid Waters and got Stick dried off and dressed. The man had to have help getting shoes on. He simply couldn’t operate more than two fingers at a time.

We left the bathhouse to the sound of Waters draining the tub and burning the towels.



 “You’re bathed. You’re fed. Now let’s talk about Cawling Street and Marris Sellway.”

Stick swallowed the last bite of biscuit and washed it down with water. I’d never seen a toothless man eat a slice of baked ham before. I hoped I never did again.

“She lived in old Number Six. Up top. Nice lady. Baked us bread when she had extra.”

I nodded. Number Six hadn’t been on the waybill either.

“What did she do for a living, Stick?

He looked confused by the very concept.

“Did she have a job? Did she take in laundry or sewing?”

“She sewed some,” said Stick. “I remember. She sewed some.”

“That’s good, Stick. That’s very good.” I shoved another biscuit his way. “Now tell me about her husband. Did you know him too?”

Stick had half a dry biscuit in his mouth and he nearly choked trying to reply.

“No husband,” he finally choked out. “Dead. Dead and gone.”

I frowned. But maybe that’s what she told people, when he didn’t come home.

“Died in the War?”

Stick shook his head no. Biscuit crumbs went flying.

“Kilt in a bread riot. Stabbed in the street. We brung him home. She cried and cried.”

Something in the back of my mind said, softly but plain, I told you so.

“What? Tell me again. And tell me who died, and who you brought home.”

Stick rubbed his chin. “Mr. Sellway. Got hisself stabbed dead in a bread riot down on Forge. We found him, brought him home. Me and Eggs and Lark and Stubby. Mrs. Sellway. Marris. She cried and cried.”

Bread riot. The last one had been on Midsummer Eve, a year before the War ended.

Which meant my dead client—or Granny Knot—was lying through his metaphorical teeth.

“Army wouldn’t take him. Mr. Sellway. He had a bad leg. Bad hand, too, all twisted up.” Stick curled his right hand into a claw and held it limp at his side. “We didn’t know what to do. She just stood there crying and screamin’. Eggs started cryin’ too. Lark took off. Me and Stubby wound up sitting with her ’til the dead wagons came. She had to let him burn. Couldn’t afford no burial. Can I have another biscuit?”

“Are you telling me the truth, Stick?”

Stick tilted his head, genuinely confused. “I think so. Is that not what happened?”

I looked into his yellowed, rheumy eyes, and I realized he no longer had the capacity to create such an elaborate lie.

“I’m sure it is, Stick. Here, have two.”

I sat back and watched him gobble down a week’s worth of food. Tears ran down his cheeks, from what I couldn’t discern.

“What happened to the lady after that, Stick? What did she do? Where did she go?”

Stick gobbled and nodded. “Heard she took up with some other fella,” he said. “Or something. Moved after the second fire. Up and took off, left her door wide open. Don’t know about that.” His face clouded. “War ended, them soldiers came. Lark dead. Eggs dead. Stubby…”

He teared up again. I tossed him my last biscuit. He gummed it and gobbled like he’d not just eaten six of its kin.

“So let me get this straight. Her husband died in a bread riot a year before the War ended. She was seeing another man shortly after. Then came the fires, and she left in a hurry. Is that about right?”

“About.”

“Any idea who this second man was? A name?”

Stick shook his head. “Don’t know,” he said. Worry creased his brow. “Sorry. Don’t know.”

“Doesn’t matter. You’ve told me what I needed to know.”

“I get the coin? The twenty crowns?”

“That was the deal. You did your part. I’ll do mine.”

I flipped him a single Old Kingdom gold crown. He could buy a decent place to sleep with that, for a month, and food, and clothes, and maybe even a middling good set of carved oak false teeth.

Or he could blow it all on weed and vein and whatever other drugs were in vogue, and wind up encrusted in his own wastes and drooling before the Curfew bell rang again.

It took Stick a long time to count the single coin he gripped in his skeletal hand and realize that one coin was, just possibly, fewer than twenty.

His face darkened.

“You said twenty.”

“I didn’t say all at once.” I pulled my Army knife out and stuck it point-first in my desk. Weedheads don’t respond to subtlety.

“We both know what’ll happen to you if you walk out of here with twenty gold crowns in your pocket, Stick. You got a place? You got a bank? Have you got so much as a sack to keep your money in?”

“I want my money.”

“Those pants you're wearing have holes in both pockets. So that coin will do you for today. I’m going to put the rest in a bank, Stick. They’ll keep it safe for you, and you can take all of it out, if you want. I hope you won’t. I hope you’ll clean yourself up and get off the weed and have what’s left of your life. I doubt that’ll happen. I figure you’ll march into whatever bank I choose and take all of it out and you’ll be dead before you spend a tenth of it. But that’s your decision. This is mine.”

He eyed me and eyed the knife and finally his eyes fell on the crown in his palm.

“This is a lot of money,” he said.

“Enough to buy you a brand new life. Come back around before Curfew. I’ll tell you where your bank is, give you the bank chit so you can get to the rest anytime. Deal?”

Maybe, just for an instant, Stick really meant to start over. Maybe he realized what a stroke of rare good fortune had befallen him, and maybe he meant to turn his miserable life around.

He stood. He looked me in the eye. And after I stood, too, he shook my hand.

“Thanks,” he said. “I mean it.”

And then he was gone.

I did all that, by the way. I went to Crowther and Sons. I opened an account in the name of Mr. Stick. I deposited the nineteen gold crowns. I had the bankers make up a chit just for Stick, made them promise not to throw him out even if he stank, and I put Stick’s bank chit in my pocket.

Stick never returned. The chit is in my desk, waiting for him. I suspect it will wait forever.

Even rare good fortune can be too little and too late.

END EXCERPT

Poor Stick.  I've always felt sorry for him.  There was a decent person in there, under the grime and the weed.

You can get The Cadaver Client in Kindle format from Amazon by clicking here.  You can get it in any other format by clicking here.

And I'd be remiss if I didn't plug my latest book, a light-hearted fantasy entitled All the Paths of Shadow available in any format from the publisher here.

The Broken Bell

Relax!  I'm not going to talk about my new book, All the Paths of Shadow.

Instead, I'm going to talk about the new Markhat book The Broken Bell, which won't even be published until December 27.  So fear not, gentle reader -- no sales pitch today.

The good people at Samhain Publishing sent me the final digital version of the book.  We're done editing.  The cover is in place.  This is the first time I've seen the book in the form you'll see, and I have to say it looks amazing.

Especially the cover.  I can't post it yet, but when I do, you'll see what I mean.  One of the many things Samhain has done right is cover art.  Every book has been nothing less that beautiful.

Heck, look for yourself -- here are my Samhain covers:








Am I right? And you bet I've got these framed and hung.  Each one of them is a work of art.

Pretty soon, the cover for The Broken Bell will be right beside them.  I think Markhat fans are going to love this new one.  All the old gang is back, with some fresh new faces and a huge twist at the end.

To whet your appetite, I'm going to post a short excerpt from Broken Bell below.  It doesn't contain any spoilers -- it's just a brief sample of Markhat's voice.

FROM THE BROKEN BELL:

There’s a trick to hiding young women in fancy hotels. If you ever need to do so, never mind the reason, there’s a right way to do it, and a wrong way.

The wrong way seems the best way to honest folk. They think that by slipping furtively into the hotel and speaking in hushed tones to the desk clerk and paying in cash and calling yourself Mr. Smith you’ll simply sink down into a blessed state of total obscurity.

That’s why honest people are so easy to find.

Taking the sneaky approach just brands you as one of two things, in the minds of hotel staff. You’re either sneaking around on your spouse or you’re hiding from someone. So when inquisitive sorts start asking questions and perhaps handing out coins to the talkative, the hiding place is revealed as surely as if a giant hand reached down and ripped off the roof.

That’s the wrong way.

The right way?

Tamar rushed into the hotel lobby a dozen steps ahead of me. The pillow she’d placed under her blouse did a credible job of simulating the middle stage of pregnancy. She let me get in the door and take a single step before she turned on me and let loose a stream of loud, heartfelt invective that turned the heads of everyone in the lobby.

Once all eyes were upon us, she took off her wedding ring, which was actually a bauble purchased moments ago from a shady street jeweler for a couple of coppers, and flung it at my face.

“I told you if your mother didn’t leave I would,” she screamed, putting just enough screech into it. “I will not spend another hour under the same roof as that mean-spirited old warthog!”

“Honey,” I said, raising my arms in surrender. “It’s just another week—”

“You said that last week. And the week before.”

Right on cue, Flowers rushed in, freshly scrubbed and wearing the first new shirt he’d ever seen, much less worn. I didn’t trust his accent or his diction, so I’d told him to keep his mouth shut, and he did.

“Come, Reginald,” said Tamar to Flowers. “See? He can’t stand your mother either. Now pay the man, and pay him enough to keep me here until you remove that awful woman from my house!”

And with that, she turned and stormed up the stairs, Flowers in tow.

The room was suddenly filled with barely-suppressed snickering. I made a heavy sigh and approached the desk clerk, a grinning little man in his early hundreds, with my hands in my pockets.

“Trouble to home, is that it, sir?” he asked.

“Guess you could say that.” I leaned on the counter and lowered my voice to a whisper. The room went as silent as a tomb, as two dozen ears strained to hear something that wasn’t a bit of their business.

“How much for a room for the wife and son, for, let’s say, a week?”

“Might be cheaper to just rent one permanent-like for your mother.”

Laughter rippled through the lobby. The old man cackled.

“Have a heart. How much? I can’t move Mother now. She’s taken to her bed. What am I supposed to do?”

He cackled and named a price. It was a quarter again too much, but I didn’t haggle.

I did tell him my name was Smith, which touched off another round of laughter, and that I’d also want to purchase extra meals for the boy and laundry service for the wife. More coins changed hands. My next sigh was very real.

But it had worked. Anyone sniffing around for word of a single young woman who kept to herself and never left her rooms would be greeted with shrugs and shakes of the head. Tamar was an angry pregnant wife with a son in tow and a milksop for a husband.

And that, my friends, is the right way to hide a woman in plain sight.

-- END EXCERPT

It's a lot of fun, writing as Markhat.

Oh, and remember when I said I wasn't going to plug my new book?

Yeah.  I lied.  The new book is All the Paths of Shadow, and you can get it through Amazon for your Kindle or through the publisher Cool Well Press for your Nook. It has a great cover too, which is below: 


One last thing today -- I'm on Facebook and Twitter, both as Frank Tuttle.  Look me up!  

Free Kindle E-Reader Contest!

Enter to win your own Kindle e-reader!

Cool Well Press, publisher of my new book All the Paths of Shadow, is giving away a free Amazon Kindle e-reader to celebrate their launch.  Click here to enter.

The winner gets a WiFi Kindle with a custom designed Cool Well Press skin.  The prize Kindle also comes pre-loaded with three new Cool Well Press e-books and the Shadow Street anthology, which includes a never-before-published short story by me.  My entry is The Knocking Man, and it may or may not feature an appearance by zombies.  But I'm not saying.


Is that not a wicked cool skin?  Imagine how cool and erudite you'll appear, waving your new Kindle around in Starbucks.  You won't even need a black turtleneck sweater.

But what are you still doing here, listening to me babble?  Apply thy nimble little clicking fingers to thine own mouse, and enter the contest.

I wish you luck, and good reading!