MidSouthCon 33 Roundup

MidSouthCon Images!

I didn't take as many pictures at MidSouthCon33 as I have at past cons. Being in costume myself meant I couldn't carry my camera around all the time -- but I still managed to snap off a few, and I'm posting them below. Thanks to everyone who stopped and posed!

































The Darrell Award



My novel THE FIVE FACES was one of the finalists for the 2015 Darrell Award for Best Novel. Despite some serious competition, The Five Faces won, and the award is shown below.


If you attend MidSouthCon, you should also buy a ticket for the Darrell Awards ceremony and banquet. The food is excellent, and the company -- well, you might find yourself seated with a theoretical physicist on your right, and an award-winning artist on your left. 

Which is true of pretty much anywhere at the Con.

I'm thrilled to get another Darrell Award for a Markhat novel. Writing is a lonely business, and having a body readers say 'Hey, we like what you did there' makes it all worthwhile!



Live (more or less) From MidSouthCon 33!

MidSouthCon 33 is winding down as I type this. The dealer room is emptying, cart by weary cart. The art gallery, which was amazing, is also slowly dispersing.

Panels are still in progress. Con-goers are still in full costume.

The only remaining part of my own cosplay get-up is my top hat. It's a testament to the creativity of con folk that I can be dressed in street clothes and a top hat and no one bats an eye because the guy next to me is wearing a dragon head and sporting wings.

I was the Toastmaster for MidSouthCon 33, and I can honestly say I've never had a better time. Meeting everyone, especially the other Guests of Honor, was a blast. It's a three-day party, a 72 hour celebration of science fiction and fantasy, of books and art, of imagination and creativity.

In a few days, I'll post a longer, far more detailed accounts of my adventures as Toastmistress. I say Toastmistress because that's how I was billed on the Con tee shirt, which I found hilarious. As an author, I'm so accustomed to typos they don't bug me. It happens, and in this case it was a great place to make a joke. Which was, after all, my job this weekend.

I'm exhausted. My hair is tired. Hauling my steampunk ghostbuster backpack not only aggravated the sciatica in my right leg but left me with the same feelings in my left. But I haven't missed a Sunday blog in lo these many years and I'm not about to start now.

So, enjoy the pics below. More will be coming.

To the amazing volunteers and staff and security and Guests of Honor and everyone associated with MidSouthCon and the Darrell Awards jury and organizers, I extend to you my most heartfelt thanks!

Oh -- speaking of the Darrell Awards, my book The Five Faces won this years Darrell Award for Best Novel!

I'm am truly psyched about that. And glad people are still enjoying Markhat, because I have many more books to write in that world.


Look familiar? You probably know him as Julio from The Walking Dead, but this cat is an amazing dude who not only acts but writes and produces. He's also one of the most positive, generous, and all-around gracious dudes you could ever hope to meet. Was good hanging with you Santiago!


Amazing costumes abounded!


Another new friend, the amazing and incomparable magician Johnny Del La Rocko!


Her eyes actually look healthier than mine right now...

Okay, it's nearly time for the closing ceremonies. Time for me to dust off my top hat and take the stage one last time as Toastmistress.

It's been a blast!




Pre-MidSouthCon Cosplay Pics!

MidSouthCon 33 is now less than a week away!

As this year's Toastmaster, I'm hoping to perform my duties in style. Specifically, a style right out of 1869.

The pic below is most but not all of my cosplay outfit. Missing is the gold monocle, the obligatory mechanical pocket watch with gold chain, and my steampunk ghostbuster's proton pack. But there's enough here to give you a good idea.



All the clothes were obtained from the Gentleman's Emporium. And I have to say, these are some awesome, well-made duds.

I'm wearing the Red River rust vest, a black puff tie, an Edwardian club shirt, and black Victorian trousers, complete with suspenders (braces). My hair, which is under the John Bull top hat, is slicked down with Brylcream. The shoes were stolen from the corpse of -- well, enough about that.

I can't say enough good things about the folks at the Emporium. They have an equally impressive line of period-authentic clothes for the ladies, too! Click here to browse the pics.

The ghostbuster's pack is done. Picks of it and the thrower are below. I'm really happy with it, and when everything is lit it's pretty darned nice.


Another view.


Markhat in the News



The Five Faces, the latest Markhat adventure, was reviewed a little while ago by Big Al's Books and Pals.

The reviewer gave the book five out of five stars. Now, The Five Faces has been nominated as a potential Reader's Choice Award selection!

What determines the winner of the Reader's Choice Award?

Not what, but who, and the who is you. 

Readers vote for nominees, and the book with the most votes wins. Can you tell where this is heading?

That's right! A plea and a link. Please vote, if you liked the book. I'd really appreciate it. So would Markhat and Darla. Who can resist Darla's big brown eyes?

Voting is quick and easy. All you have to do is click the link below. Go to the bottom of the page, find the contest box, sign in, and you're set. The Five Faces is in the Fantasy category. 

Thanks! 



That's it for now. Next weekend expect live updates from MidSouthCon 33! If you're going to be there, look me up -- I won't be hard to spot. 

You can also check out my Con schedule my going to the Con website www.midsouthcon.org, selecting Programming, then Schedule, and then entering my name in the search box. I'm on several panels, so stop by!




Lunch With The Authors

Lunch With the Authors

Just a heads-up, gang -- on April the 22nd, I'll be taking part of a 'Lunch with the Authors' event at the Collierville Morton Museum in Collierville, Tennessee.

I'll be one of the seven authors reading from our books and discussing the mysterious ways of the publishing industry. We'll also be signing books and taking questions, so if you're anywhere near Collierville on the 22nd and have some free time between noon and 3 PM, drop by the Museum!

I'm excited about this event. The other authors are an amazing bunch, and frankly I can't wait to ask them a few questions myself. There's Steve Bradshaw, author of the Bell trilogy, Lisa Turner, author of A Little Death in Dixie, and a host of other great writers. 

I'm still deciding what I'll be reading from. Probably one of the Markhat books. Any suggestions are welcome!

MisSouthCon Update

MidSouthCon 33 is just a couple of weeks away! I'm really looking forward to meeting some of my online friends in person for the first time. Heck, I may even shave, and put on shoes.

The Guests of Honor list this year is truly impressive, despite my presence within it. Here's a brief rundown of the guests:

Cory Doctorow, Author Guest of Honor.

You don't need me to tell you who Cory Doctorow is. All I have to do is glance at my bookshelf to see his titles leaping out. Little Brother, Rapture of the Nerds, Homeland -- just being in the same room with Mr. Doctorow will probably give me a +5 boost on my Avoiding Adverbs roll. He's that good. Better than that good.

Melissa Gay, Artist Guest of Honor

Wow. Here's a link to Melissa's webpage, at which you can view some of her amazing art. Click www.melissagay.com to see what I mean. Her line art is maybe my favorite -- especially this one, which reminds me of Markhat sneaking down a dark Rannite alley.

Melissa is so cool one of her works was even featured on io9 last week. If you don't visit io9 regularly, you should -- it's a wonderfully entertaining and informative mishmash of media, art, and science news! Melissa's piece is her version of Red Sonja, and Melissa rightly put some clothes on the woman, because CLOTHES, people. Melissa's Red Sonja art.

Ethan Van Sciver, Comics Artist

Ethan's comic art includes work on The Green Lantern, Batman, and Superman, which means he can basically recite those names, drop the mic, and strut offstage to massive applause. Batman. Need I say more? No, I do not! 

Dragon Dronet, Costuming/Media Guest of Honor

You guys know I like making SF/fantasy props. But Dragon Dronet not only makes wildly inventive props for TV and films, he's also a stuntman and an action choreographer. He's worked on Star Trek, Babylon 5, and a slew of other titles you'd recognize instantly. I can't wait to see what he thinks about my steampunk ghostbuster backpack!

Elizabeth Donald, Editor Guest of Honor

Elizabeth Donald is a rare bird. She's a fiction writer, newspaper columnist, and now an editor. That's a lot of hats for the same head! She's also a fellow Darrell Award winner, and I'm looking forward to pestering her with the endless stream of questions that occur whenever a writer manages simultaneously get an editor in a room and block the room's only exit. 

Ethan Siegel, Science Guest of Honor

Ethan Siegel's Spartan cosplay is impressive, but not nearly as impressive as his academic resume. Ethan has a PhD in theoretical astrophysics, writes a monthly column for NASA, and maintains one of the best science blogs out there. Check it out at Starts with a BANG!

Santiago Cirilo, Special Guest of Honor

Special Guest Santiago Cirilo's achievements run the gamut from 101st Airborne Infantry to Special Forces translator to maker of personal guitars for Kid Rock and Keith Urban. Another polymath, Santiago is a skeptic, a voracious reader, and a pursuer of knowledge.

Frank Tuttle, Toastmaster

Doubtlessly added to the list as the result of a clerical error. Frank Tuttle is widely known as 'that guy over there, no wait, not him, the other one.' Frank's writing has appeared in various magazines, usually before they vanished forever without comment. Critical acclaim for Frank's novels would come as a surprise to everyone, including Frank himself. But it must be noted that Frank has procured a sweet hat for the Con. 

Latest Pics of the Steampunk BackPack

Below are the latest shots. Yes, my workbench gets messy when I'm working on a piece. Oddly enough, it stays neat between projects, but this view is the result of hours of work. I could have moved the pack and thrower to the rug for the pic, but Petey was taking a nap and also I am lazy.



That's it for today! Be safe out there people.


Rare As Mississippi Snow

Most of you are sick of snow.

So I apologize for posting snow pics. But you see, I live in Mississippi, where snow is a rare event. Snow, like funding for education or low body mass indexes, is a thing that usually happens far, far away from Mississippi.

But last week, it snowed here. We got 4 inches of the frozen white stuff. The town all but shut down for two whole days.

Here is how my wife felt about this rare Mississippi snow.



The author is shown below frolicking, as is the way of his people.







I like the pics above and below because they captured the color of the sky during the snow. Again, that's not something we often see here.


Chief subject-verb agreement dog Lou Ann enjoyed the snow as well, after she gave it a good barking.


Her enthusiasm for the cold white stuff quickly dimmed, though, as evidenced by the stink-eye directed toward Winter shown below:


The snow is gone now, leaving behind nothing but mud, sadly slumping snowmen, and a flurry of auto insurance claims.

MidSouthCon 33 Update

MidSouthCon 33 is fast approaching!

I'm nearly ready. I've done some additional work on my steampunk ghostbuster proton pack, and I've ordered the rest of my Victorian gentleman's ensemble from the Gentleman's Emporium.

Here are the latest proton pack pics. You'll notice a lot of detail work has been added -- mainly in the form of heavy-gauge copper wires and various fittings. I've also got a new light effect, which turned out to be hard to photograph.

See the glowing red copper conduit running from top to bottom? That's the new feature. I took clear plastic tubing and spray-painted it copper. Then I filled it with red EL wiring, and scored the paint on the outside. Under bright room lights, you can't tell it's been scored, since the tubing is clear and all you see is copper. But turn the lights down low and turn the EL wiring on, and the whole thing glows an eerie red. It looks good with the blue glow of the thrower and the round dingus at the bottom of the pack.





If anyone reading this plans on attending MidSouthCon 33, please come find me there! I'll be the guy in the John Bull top hat and the red vest wearing this thing on my back. Come get your picture taken and also help me up from the floor where I have collapsed from the weight of this rig.

Obligatory Book Plug


Now available for pre-order everywhere!

Should I post a brief excerpt?

Yeah, I should.

Excerpt from THE DARKER CARNIVAL:

I woke early, not rested and aching.

I heard Buttercup’s tiny bare banshee feet scamper across my roof. She giggled, and then she was gone.

Darla slumbered at my side. Her hair, black and soft as crow feathers, hung across her face. I brushed it away from her eyes and laid a kiss on her cheek and then slipped out of bed. Cornbread, the shaggy mutt that shares our home, settled into the warm spot I just vacated and wagged his tail once in thanks before snoring off into doggy dreamland.

I dressed in the dark. I tiptoed across the red Balptist rug in the living room with my shoes in my hands, got the door open and shut and locked without making a sound. I know which of the porch floorboards creak, since I loosened the nails myself, so I stepped over them and made it all the way to our waist-high iron gate before pausing to put on my shoes.

I watched my bedroom window. No match flared, no candle came quickly to life. Cornbread obliged me by not barking or scratching at my door.

Buttercup slipped her cold banshee hand into mine. I’m so used to having her sneak up on me I no longer jerk or start.

“Good morning, sweetie,” I whispered. “You’re glowing. Let’s play the hiding game, right now.”

The golden radiance that flowed from her died. She giggled and raised a finger to her lips, as I did the same.

I glanced about at my neighbors’ windows. None were lit.

And even if they had seen, what would they say?

Buttercup tugged at me, pulling in the direction of Cambrit Street, whence lay my office and, I suspected, a plate of Mama Hog’s biscuits and sorghum molasses.

The sun was more than an hour from rising. Curfew was still in effect across Rannit, which meant anyone a peckish halfdead caught outside was fair game for breakfast, and I was standing in the street with both my shoes untied.

But I had a vampire revolver in my right pocket and a ten thousand year-old banshee holding my left hand and I’d walked with the slilth not so long ago.

Boot soles scraped cobbles. My hand found the butt of my revolver.

Buttercup giggled and pointed down the street before vanishing.

A man walked out of the night and into the dim, wobbling glow of a street-lamp.

I relaxed my grip on the revolver, but didn’t pull my hand away. I could tell at once my fellow Curfew-breaker was no halfdead. He shuffled, for one thing, walking slowly while dragging a noisy burden on a wheeled contrivance behind him.

Like any breed of the rich, halfdead seldom roam the streets dragging their own carts. Too, this man’s hat was a shapeless, baggy lump, not one of Breed Street’s crisp starched offerings.

The man saw me, halted, waved.

“Good morning to you, friend,” he said. He pitched his voice carefully, so that it just reached my ears, but wouldn’t carry much further. “Might I inquire as to whether you live hereabouts?”

I wasn’t sure he could see a head-shake, so I took a half dozen steps ahead and spoke.

“Nope,” I replied. “I’m just a man out for a stroll.”

He nodded, smiling. “Well, count your lucky stars, man out for a stroll. They call me Shango. Shango the storm-sniffer. I’ve walked all night, following a stink. And it leads right to yonder door.”

He pointed out the door. Naturally, he pointed out my door.

The spear-ends of shiny steel rods poked through the tarp on his cart, here and there. Some were worked into the shapes of angels. Some as devils. One worked in the shape of a half-moon turned in the dim lamp-light.

I sighed.

“I’m guessing you sell lightning rods,” I said. The Church tried and failed to outlaw lighting rods inside Rannit a few weeks ago, apparently on the basis that the long steel sticks committed the cardinal sin of actually preventing lightning strikes. “Thwarting the will of the Heavens,” cried the priests. “I’ll take two,” cried the homeowners. Now the streets were lousy with lightning rod salesmen.

He shot out of his slouch. “Indeed I do,” he said. “But not ordinary lightning rods. No, friend. I sell the kind of lightning rods even the rich cannot buy.”

“Good for you,” I said. I started walking, hoping he didn’t notice my damned traitor shoe-laces flopping at my heels. “Now if you don’t mind, I always take my breakfast with the Regent.”

He laughed, but he kept the sound low. “Won’t you at least have a look, Mr. Markhat? Won’t you at least have a look?”

I produced my pistol and let him see it.

“I didn’t tell you my name.”

“But I told you mine,” he said. If the thick black bulk of my vampire-built revolver gave him pause, his dirty face didn’t show it. “Shango. I smell storms. I can’t hold back the wind, friend, but I can damn sure turn the lightning.” He nodded back at his cart. “No man should lack protection from the fickle wrath of Heaven.”

“I’ve got all the protection I need.”

“No,” he said. His eyes, which I still hadn’t seen beneath the bill of his pork-pie hat, glittered just for an instant as the moon briefly peeked out from the clouds. “I tell you plain, Mr. Markhat, that you do not.”

“Get out of my way.”

“I’m not what’s in your way, friend,” he said. He stepped aside, sniffing at the air. “I’ll be working these parts for a while, I will. Ask for Shango, should you change your mind. Ask for Shango.”

I put my gun back in my jacket pocket.

About the time the squeak of his cart’s wheels bit into the silence, Buttercup took my hand again.

“Let’s go get some breakfast,” I said, and with Buttercup skipping beside me I walked all the way to Cambrit, without a lightning rod of any kind to guard me from the fickle wrath of Heaven.

...and that's all I'm posting! You can read the whole thing starting April 28. And just so you don't get busy and forget, you can take your click-happy little fingers here and reserve a copy, if you want.

Book Release!

A good friend of mine, Elyse Salpeter, released a new book!


Here's the link. These are great books, check them out!


Final Words

On a sad note indeed, we in the SF/F community lost a legend this week. You know who I mean.

Live long and prosper, my friends.


Something Well-Dressed This Way Comes


The big news this week, of course, is below....


The new Markhat novel, The Darker Carnival, is available for pre-order on Amazon!

The book goes on sale April 28, but Amazon, ever helpful, is now taking advance orders. Click below to see the product page, read the blurb, and gaze in wide-eyed wonder at the awesome cover art!

The Darker Carnival Amazon pre-order!

Prefer Nook books? No problem, the Barnes & Noble pre-order page is live too. Here's a link.

The Darker Carnival at Barnes & Noble

If you'd rather order direct from the publisher, the Samhain page is also up and running. They'll let you choose from any format at all.

The Darker Carnival from Samhain (all formats)

Kobo is also set up to take pre-orders!

The Darker Carnival from Kobo

So choose your flavor and dive right in.

MidSouthCon News

MidSouthCon 33 is right around the corner -- less than a month away now. If you haven't signed up or booked your room at the Hilton, you'd better hurry! The Con space will fill up fast, if it hasn't already.

I'll be there, and I'm on a number of panels this year. I'm even hosting one -- "Humor in Fantasy." So if you've ever wondered how to use humor in your own writing, you'd probably want to avoid this panel because so far my presentation notes consist of suggestions on where in the room to hide.

I do hope to read and then deconstruct a couple of humorous passages and scenes. Humor is one of the most effective tools in the writer's toolbox, but it's also the riskiest. A joke that falls flat is likely to take the book down with it.

But we'll talk about that in the panel! Come prepared with questions and small airplane bottles of hard liquor for the author. That way he might get distracted and you can all slip out and go watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show screening instead.

I've been working on my steampunk Ghostbusters proton pack, and it's nearly finished.

If you remember the last set of images I posted, the thrower part of the pack was a big long copper thing that actually shot confetti. Well, it's nice, and it works, but it's also huge and heavy. So I've built a second much smaller thrower that I'm pleased with. Pics of both are below!









Step Right Up -- The Darker Carnival Can Be Pre-ordered!

Markhat fans, I have great news!


The new Markhat novel, The Darker Carnival, is now available for pre-order on Amazon!

The book goes on sale April 28, but Amazon, ever helpful, is now taking advance orders. Click below to see the product page, read the blurb, and gaze in wide-eyed wonder at the awesome cover art!

The Darker Carnival Amazon pre-order!

I'm excited about this book. It is, I believe, the best thing I've ever written.

But you can judge that for yourself in April!




Possum Jackets


I have a book signing this Wednesday!

Fig. 7A. In which the Author demonstrates his usual decorum and restraint.


The signing is being sponsored by a Collierville book club. A portion of all sales go to charity, which is always a good thing, and I get a chance to stumble my way through a presentation in front of a new potential audience.

I'm always nervous before any kind of public event. There's so much potential for disaster, a small part of my brain is quick to point out. What if your belt inexplicably gives way, and your pants fall down? What if feral opossums have nested in your seldom-worn sports coat, and emerge during the reading? What if you you are suddenly possessed by A'Sha'Dasa, infernal Lord of the Inappropriate Anecdote Delivered to a Room of Horrified Elegant Ladies?

I really hate it when that last one happens.

But I'm sure everything will be just fine, and I'll even shake out my sports coat before leaving home.

Here are a few tricks I like to use to keep the audience engaged during a signing. Use them at your own discretion, and in accordance with the laws governing your city, state, nation, or planet of residence.
  • Bring a target pistol. Nothing drives home a printed exclamation point like discharging a pistol to add emphasis. 
  • If you can't voice your own characters well when reading dialog, bring along a troupe of voice actors, and remember -- there's ALWAYS room for interpretive dance.
  • Deal with hecklers as you would any small game animal. If the venue is a library, use a silencer, or brass knuckles.
  • Don't put out a tip jar unless you also put out a dance pole.
  • Most venues suggest your reading consist of no more than 3 to 5 minutes. I say give people more than they expect; read your entire book, except for the last page. It's not your fault the audience didn't bring cushions, or supper.
  • Make yourself stand out of the crowd with proper dress, good grooming, and a live chicken strapped to your head. Nobody ignores a live chicken. Nobody.
  • If a cell phone rings during your reading, laugh it off politely and continue. You don't want a repeat of Chicago. So much blood. So. Much. Blood.
  • Remember, you're an author. It is widely and correctly assumed that authors are walking compendiums of mental illnesses, substance abuse issues, and rampant Bohemianism. If you climb atop the podium midway through your reading, strip down to a Wonder Woman costume, and have a sudden violent altercation with a stuffed aardvark, people will just take that as the signal that a fresh wine and cheese tray has arrived and will act accordingly.
In other news, progress on the new (new) book continues. See you all next week!


Write Or Be Rich!



Lately I'be been inundated with ads and emails of a certain singular nature.

"Write Your Way to Riches!"
"Quit Your Day Job and Write Full Time!"
"How to Publish Your Way to Financial Security!"
"Write and Grow Extra Appendages!"

I made that last one up, although now that I've released it to the internet a spambot out there is already parsing it and thinking 'Yeah, okay, makes sense."

I don't bother clicking n any of these pleas that I garner vast wealth simply through the brilliance of my prose. I am writing, and I am selling, but I enjoy a distinct lack of urgent attention from Porsche salespeople, and I receive very few inquiries from shipyards concerning the trim on my luxury yacht.

Writing your way to being rich, as a business plan, is right up there with 'traveling to Europe via a hot-air balloon assembled from items in your garage.' Technically, it might be possible. If tens of thousands of people tried it, a few might make it across the Atlantic.

But most will wind up bobbing in the drink. That's just a reality.

I blame TV and the movies for the odd notion that publishing a book brings immediate wealth. How many TV and movie characters find themselves on whirlwind book tours, or buying new houses with cash, after their first sale? How many fictional authors live in luxury and ease, without ever appearing to, you know, write (I'm looking at you, Castle)?

What annoys me most about these silly tropes is that a writer had to write them down. A writer had to push aside his daily bowl of congealed Ramen noodles, take a swig of warm Discount Brand beer, and use the instantly-wealthy author as a plot device. I'm left to shake my head and ponder why any writer would commit such a heinous act of treachery.

Wish fulfillment? Bitter irony? Do scriptwriters actually make that much money?

I have no idea.

What I do know is that the writing business is located a vast gulf away from the realm of easy money portrayed by the spam emails and the media.

Writing itself is work. Hard work. It's not just typing. And even when you put in the hours and do everything right, there's no guarantee you'll see any sales. Worse, there's no guarantee you'll live long enough to see your wild fame rise and grow. Poor Edgar Allen Poe never knew he'd adorn tee shirts a century after his death. Note to the Universe: If I'm going to be on tee shirts, I want to see that. Make it so.

So, to add authenticity to the spam emails and the fly-by-night 'writing courses' and sketchy vanity presses, here are a few fact-based subject lines they should consider.

"Writing Your Way to Skinny: The Royalty-Only Author Diet!"
"Which Organs You Can Safely Sell, and Where: The Author's Guide to Supplemental Income"
"Deals With the Devil for Dummies"
"Scratch and Dent Canned Soup of the Month Club"

You're welcome, spammers and scammers.

Meralda and Mug News

The new installment in the Mug and Meralda series hit a minor snag this week when I realized each of the 78 pages completed thus far shared one small flaw -- they sucked.

Well, that's a bit harsh. The pages themselves weren't bad, but they weren't the book I want to write, either. So, after a few days of blank staring and incoherent mumbling, I've figured out where the whole thing went wrong (page one, chapter one) and I know how to fix it.

All those hours of work? Gone, but not wasted. Yes, I'm starting over, but I try to look at it this way -- charging off in the wrong direction led me to the unexpected clearing that caused me to pause, blink in the sudden sunlight, and realize I'd been going the wrong way all along.

That's just the way it happens, sometimes. You take a few deep breaths, start a new file, and keep going.







Markhat News

The Darker Carnival will be available for pre-order on March 29! Here's the 'coming soon' page at Samhain, including the funny warning label for the book.



That's it for this week! Remember, tonight is the season premier of The Walking Dead! If you're a Walking Dead fan -- even if you're not -- you should watch the short video I'm posting a link to. It's hilarious -- love the singing walkers -- and you don't need to watch the show to enjoy it.

Carl Poppa

You can't handle my flow!


Cosplay and Cons and Certain Bad Behavior

From MidSouthCon 32.

I'm giving you guys a break from steampunk ghostbuster pics this weekend. I'm still working on the rig, sure, but the changes have been subtle and the number one rule of blogging is 'Don't bore your audience.'

So I'll post pics when significant progress has been made.

Also from last year's Con.
I did mention that this year's MidSouthCon will mark my entry into the world of cosplay, as I'll be attending in full Victorian steampunk regalia. I'm looking forward to it, largely because I'm a big believer in never acting one's age, but also because the people I've seen engaging in cosplay always seemed to be having fun.

But as I started reading about cosplay at cons, another side of the experience was revealed to me, and it's not a pretty side, either.

Yes, I'm talking about the awful treatment some female cosplayers endure at Cons.

I must be pretty naive. I always thought of SF/fantasy cons as safe places, where intelligent, imaginative people gather to celebrate the art and literature for which they share a love. That's what I've seen, in the four or five years I've been attending MidSouthCon.

But sadly, that's not everyone's experience. I read a lot of accounts by cosplayers (female, almost exclusively) who were groped, insulted, stalked, mocked, or even assaulted because of their costumes. No, not at MidSouthCon, let me make that clear. I haven't read of anyone being troubled there.

Let me just say this to my male counterparts who will be attending the Con. I know most of you are upright gentlemen, who wouldn't dream of grabbing a woman simply because she's in costume.

So it's up to us -- all of us -- to keep an eye out for the few among us who might stoop to such bestial behavior.

We men can all help. Don't laugh at crude remarks. Don't encourage lewd conversations. Make it known that you neither condone nor tolerate such things. If we, the menfolk, can establish an air of civility, we've eliminated at least one aspect of the environment that fosters bad behavior.

Yeah, okay, I sound like I'm preaching. Maybe I am, a little bit. But I believe I'll find a lot of support among men, especially if enough of us come forward and say out loud 'We don't want this behavior in our ranks, and we won't tolerate it, either.'

I know this attitude is shared by all the men I've met at MidSouthCon. And I'm proud of that.

So, fellow gentlemen of cons and cosplay, let be vigilant. As my cosplay character Artemis Watson would say, "There should be no room among gentlemen for crudity against ladies, and no tolerance for those who would practice it."

Good day.

Steampunk Ghostbuster Part 3: MidSouthCon 33

For the last couple of weeks, I'm been working on a steampunk ghostbuster's backpack unit. That build is nearly complete; all I need to add are a few finishing touches, some antiquing, and of course the straps that will (hopefully) keep the back on my back.

But the pack is only half the device. There's a hand-held 'thrower' unit that attaches to the pack via a thick cable. The thrower emits the stream of luminescent rarefied aether which allows our intrepid steampunk hero to capture pesky specters.

My thrower comes with a built-in surprise, which I hope will lend a bit of theater to the Con's opening ceremony.

Below are the parts which went into the thrower:




As you can see, there's nothing extravagant here. Mostly, it's sturdy high-pressure (schedule 40) PVC pipe and a few fittings. The gray thing with the red handle is a 2 inch ball valve. The gauge is a working 0 to 100 PSI air pressure gauge. The other metal item is a simple air fill valve.

After drilling and threading holes for the valve and the gauge, I used PVC solvent to build the rest. Then I painted it copper and added a few touches of texture here and there. The thrower isn't quite finished, but you get the idea.


What's the surprise, you ask?

It's a surprise. Some of you have probably already figured it out. If not, I'm saving it for the MidSouthCon 33 opening ceremony.

Here's the pack and the thrower, shown together from various angles:









This thing is going to be beautiful once the final finish is applied. Beautiful and heavy -- I think the pack alone weighs around 35 pounds.

I also picked out a hat, and it's on its way here. I choose a John Bull top hat, shown below:


Hey, you can't be a proper steampunk gentleman without an excellent hat. Going about hatless just isn't done, old chap.

Hey Look I Still Have Books to Sell!

Wherein Our Hero plugs a few of his titles, because 2 inch ball valves and elegant top hats aren't cheap.


All the Turns of Light -- Airships! Sea Monsters! Magic gone mad! And coffee, lots of coffee...







The Five Faces -- A murderer taunts his victims with drawing depicting the date and manner of their gruesome deaths. The killer hasn't been wrong yet -- and now Markhat's drawing has arrived. Can any man, even Markhat, escape Fate?







The Darker Carnival -- Out in April, so be watching for it!

Steampunk Ghostbuster, Part 2: MidSouthCon 33

In yesterday's blog (click here if you missed it), I started building a steampunk ghostbuster's backpack. I got a lot of work done today on the pack, and while the unit is a long way from being done, I'd thought I'd share a few pics in a rare non-Sunday blog post.

Here's the rig, with some copper and widgets added:


Please keep in mind none of the actual detail work has started yet. This is all rough high-level stuff going on. It's the little details that really bring a piece to life, and those aren't there yet, but I'm still pretty pleased with the look.

At the bottom of the rig -- to the far right in the picture above -- you'll see a blue disk-shaped affair. That part lights up, and it;s working. Below is a pic of the EL wiring in action.


It produces the eerie blow glow I was looking for. I'll hide the red LED and the power/switch unit with widgets later.

The main problem I'm going to face is the sheer weight of the backpack. All that copper and steel isn't light. I may have to hire an able-bodied assistant to discretely follow me around and hold the pack up if it gets any heavier.

After the antiquing and the detail work is done, I'll start work on the thrower, which will attach to the backpack via a flexible metallic conduit. The point of attachment will be the copper thing sticking up from the center on the far left in the first photo.

The thrower will also incorporate some lighted elements.

That's it for now -- more pics this weekend!


Steampunk Ghostbuster, Part 1: MidSouthCon 33





It takes a lot to get most writers excited. Face it, we're a surly, neurotic bunch, constantly over-caffeinated, often sleep-deprived, and our heads all ache from staring at the dreaded blank page that, unless filled, means the end of our stint as an author.

But if you'll look at the MidSouthCon image above, you'll see something that actually made me perk up. Why, I even went so far as to open both eyes and even rise from my customary slump -- because my name is suddenly on the same page with luminaries such as Cary Doctorow and Melissa Gay.

I'm not comparing myself with Cory Doctorow. I'm not worthy to cap the man's pen -- but as Toastmaster of MidSouthCon 33, I'll get to sit at the table with the real Guests of Honor and hang out with them under no threat of being removed by security.

Not bad for a Mississippi kid most often described as 'that weird dude from Yocona.'

As Toastmaster , I get to speak at the opening ceremonies of the Con. I'll also be hosting a writing panel, entitled 'Humor in Fantasy' (dates and times to be announced). So if you're aspiring author or a reader who wants a peek behind the curtain, I invite you to look me on on the Con schedule and drop by.

I've attended MidSouthCon many times, but always in street clothes. This year, hang on to your top hats, gentle readers, because I am coming in full-blown cosplay, as Artemis Watson, Spectral Elimination Agent.

In other words, a steampunk ghostbuster.

My clothing I'm going to keep under wraps until the day of the Con itself. But what is a ghostbuster, even one from 1888, without his trusty positron collider backpack and beam thrower?

A sad man in a bowler hat, that's what. Since I can't exactly order a steampunk ghostbuster backpack rig from Amazon, I'm building my own, and I'm going to record the build here, week by week, in my blog.

Now, just in case you've never seen the movie classic 'Ghostbusters,' here's the proton pack from the original movie:



It's a nice piece of special effects gear. It looks just techy enough to be convincing.

But as my own rig needs to use the technology of a fictional Victorian 1888, my pack is going to be a bit different. No machined steel, no decals, no modern insultaed cables. Wood and brass and copper were the order of the day.

Now, keeping in mind I'm a writer, you can probably guess what my budget for this project might be. Go on, guess, and if you chose '20 bucks or less,' grab yourself a gold star.

So, of to my junk crate went I, heavy of heart but filled with purpose. Here are the parts I selected, minus the 3 inch PVC sewer pipes that didn't make it into the picture:


It's a humble pile of what can accurately be called junk. Plumbing leftovers, wire, defective engine parts, a toilet fill assembly, old printer cables -- just junk.

Now view the same junk (and a few strays added along the way) after being painted one of three colors -- gloss black, hammered brass, or bright copper. With no rhyme or reason employed to select what bits of junk wound up painted what. Let Chaos have a hand, I say.


It's all still junk, but now it's junk on a mission. And that mission is to somehow fit together into what fools people momentarily into believing they are looking at a machine of some sort.

I needed something to serve as a frame for my machine, and as luck would have it I found an old wooden serving tray that was stored improperly and wound up curling due to contact with moisture. The curvature is perfect to work as a backpack, and the dimensions of the board were just right. I sanded it, stained it, and then I spent most of today bolting various items of junk to it.

I give you the basic main component installation of my Victorian ghostbuster rig.


It is by no means finished. No. The finished version will feature lights -- lots of them. There will also be copper tubes and brass wires running everywhere, as well as dials and meters.


This is just the skeleton. Fleshing it out will take days. Imagine each of the doo-dads pictured above connected to all the others. Oh, and the bottom-most thingamabob?

It's transparent over parts of its surface. I'm going to fill it with eerie blue LED or EL lighting, to give the rig some flash. A lot of the exterior wiring will also glow, since EL (electroluminescent) wiring has gotten so cheap even I can afford it.


The weird rings are actually worn-out clutch plates from my motorcycle. The tall black thing beneath the crossing of the cables is the agitator motor from a Dyson vacuum cleaner. The cable things are old school serial printer cables, and the lighted display at the bottom is a CD-ROM case with part of an old deadbolt door lock housing attached.

The whole thing is a little more than two feet tall and about 14 inches wide (perfect as a back-pack). It's already pretty bloody heavy, and I haven't even put batteries in the tubes yet. I used bolts to attach everything, so there was a lot of drilling, but other than that the construction is basic.

I'd post a plan here but I don't have any such thing. I grab parts and if they look cool together and I can figure out how to make them fit, yay, they get added. Which is also my approach to life, I suppose, and yes it does result in the occasional hot mess.

Once the backpack is complete, I'll bolt a leather harness to it, and start work on the hand-held beam emitter. And I'll post all the pics here.

Oh yeah -- buy a book! Or leave a review! Remember, every purchase helps fund my acquisition of old vacuum cleaner parts and out-of-date discount bread. Thank you very much.





No Words



I don't need to tell any of you it's been a rough week here on Planet Earth.

I can imagine aliens discussing Earth as we sometimes discuss bad neighborhoods. "I'd not touch down there, Zalod," said G'Frick to his cephalopod friend. "That place is so violent you can get killed just for drawing a cartoon."

G'Frick the three-legged saucer pilot is quite correct. On Earth, you can indeed be cut down simply because someone finds the lines you drew with plain black ink to be unacceptable.

You won't see me type the words 'as an artist' here in reference to myself. I do not and have never considered myself an artist. I don't wear a lot of black turtlenecks and I don't launch into lengthy orations on the 'art of the craft' or the 'craft of the art' or anything else along those lines.

I'm just a guy who tries to tell entertaining stories in the hopes of making a buck off them. I believe the classic definition of such activity is that of being a 'hack.' I've been called that before, and I didn't take the expected offense. Storytelling is an ancient and noble tradition, and so is eating. I don't see a single conflict of interest there.

But I do take offense at the notion that my words might get me killed one day. While my body is hardly likely to ever grace the cover of GQ Magazine, I've come to rely on the wretched thing, and rifle rounds would put an end to that relationship.

Am I likely to ever be targeted by nut-job fundamentalists of any stripe over something I wrote?

No. I write fantasy. Sure, there are a lot of people who see my genre as a tool of Hell, Devil, and Co., but in a happy twist of fate these people don't tend to read anything but Jack Chick tracts and they are thus unaware of my existence, much less my list of titles.

But that's not the point, really. If one of us hacks is in danger, then we all are, to a degree. Because once the arts come under assault -- once we who draw or write or make music or sculpt or paint are told we can't cross this line, or say these words, or mock this idea, then we might as well hand over our tools to the gunmen and let them take over the whole field of human expression.

Which would mean we'd only ever get to see one narrow view of the world and our place in it. Only hear one song. Only read one book.

I don't care to live in such a world. I doubt you do either.

It won't happen, of course. No matter how many gunmen take aim, or how many bullets fly. We as a species are simply too fractious, too ornery, too determined to each have our own way to ever unite, willingly or not, under a single icon.

Which is either our saving grace or our fatal flaw. Only time will decide that.

But for now, the arts and the artists and yes, even the lowly hacks, we will fight back. No one is ever going to tell me what I can or cannot write. And I'm not alone. At my sides slouch ten thousand times ten thousand bleary-eyed, coffee-swilling hacks, each of us pounding furiously away at manuscripts while not giving one single wet frog fart what religious, moral, or cultural objections our works might raise.

Do I write to insult, to mock, to inflame?

No. Quite the contrary, in fact. I want to make my readers happy. Happy with the experience of reading my book. Happy that they chose to spend their time and money on my work. I welcome Muslims, Christians, Jews, Wiccans, Pagans, Druids, Rosicrucians, Witches, Pastafarians, Subgeniuses, Orthodox Mayonnaissers, molds, fungi, Dalmations, heavy earth moving machines, robins, meter readers, Batman, and everyone else to my books. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I just want to tell a good story, and make someone smile.

But I'll be damned if I'll let anyone tell me how to do that. Nobody has the right. To no one will I extend the privilege.

So, to my fellow hacks, to the artists, to anyone and everyone who works to illuminate or illustrate some facet of existence, I salute you. We just lost a few of our own.

Mourn them, yes, but carry on. We owe them that. Let's bury the nut-jobs under an avalanche of good books and good music and good art. Bad books and bad music and bad art, even. Anything, as long as we don't ever let madmen dictate the direction and content of the arts from the barrel of a gun.

Carry on, folks. Always carry on.




2015: The Time Traveler's Field Guide

Don't press the red button. Really. Just don't.
Thank you for purchasing the GE Time Tourist Model 100. We hope you enjoy the advanced features of this deluxe time machine. With proper care and maintenance it will provide you with many years of carefree service, provided you don't create Catastrophic Paradox Events and destroy the universe (this event is not covered in your GE Extended Warranty purchase).

You have entered a destination year of 2015. This destination year presents many opportunities for fascinating tourism experiences. Please observe these local customs and practices to prevent detection by the locals.
  • Cell Phone Use. To blend in, you should AT ALL TIMES be either texting, browsing, conversing, or otherwise consulting your cell phone (i.e., a primitive hand-held computing/communication device, see Glossary for complete description). Proper use involves holding the device within 20 cm of your face at all times, even when walking, driving, or engaging in any other form of interaction. Direct person-to-person communication in 2015 is rare, and generally only conducted between Suspects and their Arresting Officers (see Glossary for full descriptions). Cell phone use during Movies (see Glossary) is mandatory.
  • Verbal Communication. When in public, and especially in the presence of Small Children (Figs. 6 through 37) pepper your speech with expletives common to the time (See Glossary, Vocabulary Addendum 16). Do so forcefully, in a loud voice, and with frequent repetition.  TIME TRAVELER PROTIP -- If you are not drawing hostile glares from strangers, you are insulting them by NOT USING ENOUGH PROFANITY. Increase potency and frequency.
  • Clothing and Dress. When in a casual public setting, demonstrate your down-to-earth nature by donning soiled, mis-matched clothing, which should prominently display profane verbiage (see Glossary, 'Shopping at the Wal-Mart, early 21st Century'). If attending a formal event or venue, dress appropriately in cargo shorts. No one has paid any attention to dress since 1959.
Use of English in North America. By 2015, spoken English as a language had begun to devolve into the system of grunts and gestures extant by 2100. If you find yourself in North America in this period, here is a guide to basic communication, including the phrases selected by fellow time tourists as those most often employed among the natives:
  1. "I seen / done / been." Use of tenses for verbs was largely abandoned by American English speakers in 2015. Thus, do not say "I have been to the emergency room," but say instead "I been treated for gunshot wounds at the emergency room." When giving statements to the police, do not say "I saw the crazed gunman open fire." Instead, say "I seen him start shooting, please stop beating me, I'm not resisting, I'm not resisting."
  2. "Like." The word 'like,' once defined as 'similar to' or 'having affection or favor toward,' became an all-purpose modifier by 2000. Thus, one should say "Like, I mean, you are, like, in, like, the room but, like, I don't know, like, yeah," when one means "I am in favor of light trade embargoes when they benefit local farmers."
  3. "Bro / bra / bae." All indicators of an intimate relationship, or precursors to an impending bar-brawl. Use sparingly, as the rules for usage are still evolving. Suggested safe use: "Like, bra, I been like, you know, sure." CAUTION: Use of the phrase 'Don't tase me bro' will almost certainly result in a tasing (see Glossary for definition).
  4. "I am sorry if you were offended by my words / actions / discharge of a shotgun in a petting zoo." Apologies in which the speaker takes responsibility for any wrongdoing vanished from the language in the 1990s. Instead, the speaker should acknowledge the hurt feelings, but then blame the other party or parties for feeling them. Particularly popular among political figures until elections were eliminated in favor of random coin-tosses by the Like It Matters Act of 2079.
The year 2015, while an excellent choice as a tourism destination date, also presents certain risks for even the seasoned time traveler. Remember, avoid direct eye contact with the natives, don't eat anything from the '99 cent value menu,' and don't bother with any of the Diehard sequels.


New Year De-Resolutions


A new year is nearly upon us.

Many greet the arrival of a new year with calm resolve. They see the dawning of January 1 as an opportunity for growth, for change, for making bold, daring dreams come true.

Me? I'll be down in the bunker cataloging my stores of rice and ammunition. I mean sheesh, people, have you looked outside lately?

Chaos abounds. Economies tilt on the precipice. "Duck Dynasty" was renewed for another season. If some low beast isn't slouching toward Bethlehem, it's only because the civil war in Syria sent it on a long dusty detour.

So with all that in mind, and you do realize whose blog it is you are reading, I offer unto you my de-resolutions for the upcoming new year. Mind your head, the bunker ceiling gets really low back here where I store the potable water.


  • As Thoreau suggested, simplify, simplify, simplify. I shall seek to reduce my dependence on the products of technology -- you over there, STOP LAUGHING. Okay, well, you got me. Even I can't complete this obvious farce with a straight face. Fact is, I'm going to bury myself in gadgets while I still can, because the day may come when staring into a meager brush-fire and swatting at mosquitoes comprises the evening's entertainment for most surviving North Americans.
  • I will seek to better know my neighbors, in order to re-establish a sense of community. Hilarious, right? But this time I'm not kidding. Just a few minutes of conversation, a brief visit, and you'll know a lot about the people you live by and, more importantly, where they keep their canned goods and other post-apocalypse valuables. After all, looting need not be a haphazard affair, if one invests a few moments in preparation!
  • I will start -- and finish -- at least three major DIY home improvement projects this year. First, because doing the work yourself saves money, second because you don't want a thirty-man construction crew knowing where your secret escape tunnel lies, and finally because even the most lax county building ordinances frown on the installation of .50 caliber belt-fed air-cooled machine gun turrets.

So I say, bring it on, 2015! Just wait until after June because the radiation shields on the backup pantry won't be ready until then.

Mug and Meralda News


The print edition of All the Turns of Light is now on sale! You can grab a copy from Amazon or Barnes & Noble. 

Here are links to each store. Both cost around $10.80 US as of this posting.


Of course, e-book editions are available everywhere as well, for a good bit less than ten bucks.

If anyone wants a signed copy, slide me an email and we'll work something out!

Hope you all had a good Christmas. I got a remote-control quadcopter with a built-in camera. As soon as I can do more than drift sideways and crash, I post some drone video!

Until then, it's back to work. Take care, people!






Pre-Yule Post

"Sorry, kid, it's a Zune."

The holiday is nearly upon us. The stores are all packed with what appear to be shoppers in the early stages of zombification. The streets are choked with them too, usually sitting at traffic lights texting furiously while the lights go from red to green to yellow and red again.

What I really want for Christmas is a pair of water-cooled, belt-fed 50 caliber machine guns mounted to the hood of my vehicle. While I abhor violence, I do find it amusing if applied with panache, and nothing says 'Hey moron get off your phone and drive' quite like sawing their Ford Taurus in half with a relentless hail of large-caliber lead.

One aspect of the holiday season that truly needs updating is the traditional music. I'm not sure if I'm the only one's who has noticed, but modern people rarely go a 'wassailing, nor do they dash through the snow in sleighs, one-horse and open or not.

What we need are songs that reflect the experiences of our time, and, as always, I'm here to help!

Updated Christmas Carols:

"Stop Texting Merry Gentlemen The Traffic Light is Green"
"Mary Did You Know Your Kids Are Behaving Like Meth-Crazed Chimpanzees"
"Away in a Warehouse, Back-Ordered 'till Spring"
"The Twelve Days of Rehab"
"Ring That Bloody Bell in My Ear One More Time I'll Punch You in The Face"

The last one is my favorite. Hey, 'tis the season!

Mug and Meralda News



The print version of All the Turns of Light is ready, save for one final step -- I'm waiting on delivery of an actual printed proof copy, which I must inspect and approve. If it is up to snuff, I press a button, and the Amazon product page goes live in a few hours.

I was hoping the proofs would arrive this week, but given the time of the year, it should be no surprise they haven't made it to my door yet. I feel sure I'll see them Monday or Tuesday, and if all goes well, print copies will be on sale by Christmas. I'll keep you posted.

Final Words

I wish to extend a hearty Happy Holidays to every one of you -- blog fans, readers, people who Googled the dead Frank Tuttle and wound up here by mistake, Holly my Samhain editor, Natalie the brilliant cover artist, Maria and Randy of Bear Mountain Books, whose expert editing and conversion expertise made Turns of Light a far better book than it would have been in there absence, my beta readers, my fellow writers, and finally to Tiny Tim himself!

May the deity or supernatural force of your choice confer upon you events you will perceive as blessings, or at least stop hassling you, amen.

Now get back to work, all you authors!

The Obligatory Holiday Decorating and Gift Guide for Writers


People do strange things during the holidays. Drink eggnog. Listen to that infernal barking dogs Christmas song. Willingly sit through long elaborate meals with Uncle Eggbert, who won't drink tap water or eat anything cooked with it because that's how the secret Communists deliver the mind-control drugs.

But among the more inexplicable habits of Christmas is, to me, the urge to wrap seemingly random objects in tinsel and plastic simulated fir tree needles.

Streetlights? Wrapped and lit, because apparently they weren't already sufficiently lit. Storefronts, business signs, random shrubs, the Courthouse clock. All of it festooned with decor I assume to be festive.Some of it does indeed seem festive. Some of it, not so much.

A wreath of the front grille of a fire truck? Okay. That way, when panicked drivers look up from their texting and realize a fire truck is two inches off their bumper, they get a little holiday cheer along with enough adrenaline to induce a myocardial infarction. But that's important, because it's Christmas.

But where do you draw the line? Do we add wreaths to the gun cameras of our F-18s? Should we rush the launch of an orbit-ready Christmas tree to the ISS?

To provoke thought and discussion around this topic, let's play a little game I call "Festive or Not?"

FESTIVE or NOT?
Holly and ornaments strung along police tape at an active crime scene. Antlers added to chalk outline of decedent on pavement.

FESTIVE or NOT?
Tinsel and garlands strung from motion detector to motion detector around Area 51. Black wreaths on the front of the unmarked security vehicles that appear from nowhere to whisk you away to a place decidedly less jolly than the North Pole. Sprigs of mistletoe sent anonymously to your next of kin.

FESTIVE or NOT?
Elaborate lighting displays around each settling pool at all municipal sewage treatment plants.

It's a lot more nuanced that it looks, folks.

What to Buy a Writer, or, Look, There's a Liquor Store


Is there a writer in your life? Are you struggling to come up with that perfect Christmas gift for him or her?

If so, my condolences, because I'm a writer and I know full well what a morose bunch of budding alcoholics we writers usually are.  I'm constantly staring off into space, oblivious to the world around me until the front bumper strikes something solid and the air bags deploy.

Every year, it's the same dilemma.  What to give for Christmas?  What will make your writer's eyes light up, or at least open halfway?

As usual, I'm here to help.  My list of suggestions follows, in order of descending utility.

1) BOOZE.  HOOCH. ROTGUT.  That's right, kids, the Demon Rum himself.  Why?  Simple.

A writer's job is to plumb the depths of the human condition, or at least convince a harried editor that he or she is plumbing said depths long enough for the ink to dry on a contract.  And the first thing you'll learn when you start taking a really close look at the much-vaunted human condition is that doing so induces a sudden, powerful urge to have a drink.  Or three.  Or maybe just leave the whole bottle and start running a tab, because right after the urge to drink comes the realization that it's going to be a long bad night.

2) A THESAURUS. Because nothing works better as a coaster for the drinks mentioned above than a really thick book.  I'd counsel against actually using a thesaurus for writing, because no one wants to read sentences in which characters advance, meander, promenade, traipse, or wend one's way across the room.

3) A CAT.  Hemingway had a cat, right?  He had a cat because a cat is the only creature on Earth more vain and self-centered than the average author.  While other more social animals might feel neglected or ignored by an author, who is probably staring off into space or rummaging in the cabinets for more liquor, a cat is perfectly comfortable being ignored because it doesn't know anyone else is in the room anyway.  The cat's 'I don't care if you exist or not' attitude is perfectly suited to the author's mindset of 'What? Huh? Who?'

4) AN ELEGANT LEATHER-BOUND JOURNAL.  We all know that writers, and I mean serious professional writers with book contracts and everything, are always prepared to whip out a convincing character or a heart-wrenching plot at the drop of a dangling participle. So give your author the most expensive, ornate leather journal you can find, wait a year, drag it out from under the whiskey-stained thesaurus, and give it to the writer again.  They won't ever know, because each and every page will be as blank as it was the day you bought it.  Seriously, people.  I tried the whole notebook by the bed schtick for years, and I recorded exactly two notes in it, which read:

"Char. A sees the thing, intro. other scene w/char B, str. exc. Plot hole & 9 days."
"Why G. not cld/not E?"

Which explains why Hemingway's cat had six toes, for all I know.  But leatherbound notebooks make pretty good coasters too, and if the glasses sweat on them, you can tell people the stains are from a solo hike through Guatemala which you took to 'reconnect to your muse.'

I don't have a Number 5.  You should probably stop at Number 1, because gift-wrapping a cat is nearly impossible and writers can spot a gift wrapped thesaurus from across a crowded room anyway.

Mug and Meralda News

The print version of the new book, All the Turns of Light, is done, cover and all. Amazon is reviewing it now, and I expect the print version sales page to go live early next week (if I had to bet money, I'd say Tuesday). The printed book will go for $12 in the US, and the equivalent amount everywhere else. 


Speaking of the new book, another wonderful gift for an author is that of the Amazon reader review. Reviews tell potential buyers that the book is being read. Of course, good reviews are the very best kind, but honest ones are always welcome. If you've read it, and you liked it, posting a review will only take a moment. Thanks!

The Doctor Will Fee You Now

This won't hurt a bit.
I'm not a big fan of doctors.

I didn't phrase that sentiment well. I have nothing against physicians as people. I'm sure some of them perform a service of some sort to society as a whole, if only by dint of not being street mimes. I don't cross the street to avoid doctors. I'll talk to them at parties. I even know better than to try to wheedle free medical advice out of them, when we meet socially.

It's going to their offices and sitting on that ridiculous paper-covered bench and having the inevitable conversation about weight and exercise that don't like.

But, despite my efforts to avoid the six-hour wait in a tiny room filled with coughing derelicts and shrieking, mucous-covered infants, I am forced to visit a doctor occasionally. Last week saw one of those days.

As I sat in a corner and inhaled the kind of bacteria-rich air one normally associates with Europe during the Black Plague, I made certain stern resolutions concerning my future relationships with doctors and the medical profession in general.

  • I will NEVER wait more than two hours to see a doctor, ever again. This includes situations in which the transaxle assembly from a Peugot is protruding from my chest cavity. I will crawl to the door and leave via Hearse, if necessary, but I am done with the long waits. Here's some medical advice for you, doc -- don't schedule 25 appointments for the same half-hour. Or do, I don't care, I won't stick around. My time is no less valuable than yours.
  • I don't want to be be in your office. You certainly don't want me there.  Let's stick to the matter at hand. Stitch up whatever is bleeding and present me the bill. If I want a lecture on wellness - wait, there's no point in completing that sentence because I do not and never will want a lecture on wellness. Next.
  • If I had to sit behind the receptionist's desk and listen to the Great Unwashed hack and snort and moan and whine all day every day I would quickly grow to hate them, just as your receptionist Cruella de Satanica does. I don't expect a hug and a pat, but I didn't come here to engage in a snarling contest, either. 
  • Just give me the freaking pills. That's what this whole rant boils down to. You aren't Marcus Welby, caring, concerned comic-strip MD, and I'm not going to experience some life-changing epiphany on this paper-covered bench and run out and become a granola-gobbling, marathon-running, heart-rate aware athlete. Just scribble on the pad and let's both get on with our lives, because oh by the way you've got 175 more people lined up to see before lunch and it sounds like Cruella just bit someone.
Rant Mode off.

Mug and Meralda News


The new book (All the Turns of Light) is enjoying good reviews and brisk sales. Work on Book 3 is underway!

Also in the works is the print edition of All the Turns of Light. I hope to announce completion on that project this week. The print version of the first book in the series, All the Paths of Shadow, is already available (click here for the print version).

Markhat News

The second round of edits on the new Markhat book, The Darker Carnival, is complete! The release date is April, which is getting close.


And that's it for this week. Remember, kids, take your medicine, look both ways before crossing the street, and never fire off an incendiary round while inside the gasbag of a hydrogen-filled dirigible. 

A Spaceship for Meralda

© Unholyvault | Dreamstime.com - Spaceship Steering Wheel Photo
From time to time, I let you, my favorite readers, slip behind the curtain and take a peek backstage as a book is put together. Today is one of those days, and if the title 'A Spaceship for Meralda' didn't tip you off, I'll make it official -- we're going to talk about the science underpinning the Ovis Flying Coil, which is the dingus that gave the airship Intrepid flight in All the Turns of Light.

If you've read either Saving the Sammi or All the Turns of Light, you've already been introduced to the flying coil. I didn't spend a lot of time babbling about flying coils in All the Turns of Light because that simply wasn't relevant to the story. We know Meralda invented them, and that they can make things fly, so let's get flying, right?

But there's a whole arcane science behind the coils. Just in case you're ever trapped in a fantasy world and you need to construct a magical apparatus to escape some evil wizard's tower, here's how they work, and how to build one. 

Yes, I drew the diagram below, and yes, in fact I do know why I never became a graphic artist, thank you very much.



While puttering around in the Royal Laboratory one day, Meralda pondered electromagnets. They work in her world just as they do here -- run an electrical current through a coil of wire, and bang, instant magnet. 

In Meralda's world, electricity works just as it does here. She uses copper wire and batteries and generators and motors, many of which she either invented or improved. 

What Meralda has that we don't, though, is magic. The magic she works with is similar to electricity. It can be stored in magical batteries called 'holdstones.' It can be directed, modulated, latched to physical objects or even itself. 

But that fateful day in the Royal Laboratory, Meralda was waiting for a fresh cup of coffee to brew and it struck her, out of the blue -- an electrical current moving through a coil generates magnetism. What would happen, she wondered, if I pushed a magical current through the same coil?

You put a new crack in the Laboratory's granite ceiling, that's what happens. The entire assembly -- coil, holdstone, all of it -- simply leaped up and smashed against the ceiling as though thrown.

Meralda forgot all about her coffee. 

The flying coil creates gravity, much as an electromagnet creates magnetism. Properly driven, a flying coil can generate a gravity field sufficient to pull the whole apparatus along, as though it were falling. But you can orient the field and the coil any way you wish, which allows for level flight, hovering, whatever the operator desires.

Meralda learned to further improve the coils by latching the magical current flow to a simple electrical flow. That allows the operator to select the intensity and even the direction of the field with a bank of basic controls. She can even generate negative gravity fields, all with the same coil, by supplying different electrical voltages and rates of oscillation.

That's how Mug flies about. His birdcage has a pair of tiny hand-wound flying coils affixed to the bottom of the cage. Add a battery, a holdstone, and a few tiny controls, and Mug can fly about for hours.

The airship Intrepid, the setting for most of All the Turns of Light, used both flying coils and lifting gas. The lifting gas provided lift, and the coils pushed the airship ahead at speeds no set of electric fans could ever hope to match.

Simple and elegant, it also provided a compelling reason for Meralda to be aboard the Intrepid on its perilous maiden voyage.

Airships and their lifting gas envelopes are commonplace in Meralda's world. Of course, in the aftermath of her flying coil, the bright silver fans that have driven airships for years will quickly give way to coils. One day, someone is going to decide they don't need lifting gas either. Progress happens in her world just as it does in ours.

Sooner or later, Meralda is going to be waiting for another cup of coffee to brew, and it may occur to her -- why must flight stop with the atmosphere?

Why not just keep going up?

Thus the title of this entry, A Spaceship for Meralda. When Meralda invented the flying coil, she unknowingly touched off Tirlin's very own space program.

I know, space travel isn't normally a staple of fantasy books. I promise you that if I do include it in the next book, it will be space travel like you've never seen, and it will be wicked cool fun. 

Just in case I venture off that way, I've started designing the kind of craft I believe Meralda would create. 

Let's look at what she has available to her:
  • Propulsion, via the Ovis Flying Coils. She doesn't need rockets. She doesn't need to worry about thundering up to escape velocity. All she needs to do is set the coils for a gentle upward acceleration, and watch the ground fall quietly away.
  • Basic chemical decomposition. She replaced the Intrepid's lifting gas as it leaked through her gas bags by splitting seawater into lifting gas (hydrogen) and oxygen. With a little tweaking, she can decompose the carbon dioxide exhaled by a spaceship crew and wind up with carbon and oxygen, which can be breathed over again.
So, she has the means to fly about, and clean the air. So far, so good.

But what about a pressure vessel? I've established their technological prowess as roughly Victorian. That's great for gas-lamps and steam locomotives, not so good for assembling large, air-tight structures that don't weigh a million tons. There are limits as to what even large flying coils will drive.

But Meralda is brilliant, and I foresee the introduction of a thin, nearly-impervious bubble of carbon atoms given enhanced strength by a sustained magical field -- yes. Call it Ovinium. Perfect for a nice spherical spaceship hull, isn't it?

Okay, so now we have a hull. What about gravity?

That's simple. You hang a few short fat flying coils under whatever you want to call the floor, and set them for a wide, weak field. Everything inside that field gets pulled to the coil. Instant deck gravity, so the crew doesn't spend the entire voyage trying not to vomit.

I think this could actually work. I'll go through several ship designs, but here's the first, and yes, I'm quite aware I cannot draw.


The faint lines are steel rigging, used to stabilize the coils. The sphere in the middle is the main body of the ship. It has air, gravity, corridors and beds and kitchens and bunks. The four huge main flight flying coils are housed in nacelles away from the central hull. The four smaller coils set just below the pressure hull provide deck gravity and also augment the main coils during landing and ascent. 

There's a glass-domed flight bridge on the top of the spherical hull, and another bridge (the descent bridge) on the bottom of the ship, because you need to see the bottoms of the coils as you set the ship down. 

We're talking exposed steel beams and rigging for everything outside the pressure hull, giving the whole works a very Jules Verne look. If you look closely at the horrible drawing above, you can see the little scale dots labelled 'people' just above the words MAIN FLIGHT COILS. That's how big this thing is, because I want the movie version to look cool.

Also note the very smallest of the tiny people dots. That's Mug, furious in his flying birdcage, pointing out that airships are dangerous enough but at least they have the good sense to stay inside the atmosphere.

Maybe next week I'll post a drawing of the alternate craft, the Progress. 

If you're reading this and you're wondering just what the heck I'm talking about, well, they're books.

The second book in the series is called All the Turns of Light, and it just came out a couple of weeks ago. Here's the cover, and a link.


Book #2, All the Turns of Light

The first book in the series is also available, cover and link below.


Book #1, All the Paths of Shadow

Have a good week, people! Back to designing spaceships for a bit...